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Skype Joy…

Dear Reader,

For the past week, a friend of mine from Mexico, Rudy, has been telling me he would be on Skype, that I should log in, and then we can live chat. Being he, the only MJ fan I know that I can talk to and have fun with sharing stories of MJ’s music news stories and such. I looked forward to it, that and he was going to tell me all about his new boyfriend.

So there I am like a good girl, logged in on Facebook, Skype and Yahoo, from the moment I was awake til I went to bed, which like I put it is pretty much London time. I’m weird like that.  Then I saw a blast from the very recent past log in, and I smiled, because I though right then, “All is well”. I’m not rude or anything, I would have said hello, but I have not exactly heard a reply to any emails I sent a while back, and I don’t know what the social convention is, but I’m pretty sure that is a passive way to say, “Don’t bother me”.

It happened so for 3 nights, and I thought, of how odd it was. I have not logged in to Skype in almost a year maybe more, and the very night I do, There is a person I still consider Martin Status Best Friend. I send good thoughts, smiled and continued reading, building my puzzles or watching “Burn Notice”. A few moments, during the day I thought of Martin, and what it would be like now had he lived to be as old as me. I fancied what it would have been like had he started using email. My guess is, he would have had a blast with Google Image Search, finding the scariest images to try to make me jump off my seat. For some reason scaring the daylights out of me, was always a source of the greatest fun for him.  It was always in good fun though, never cruel, the times he tried scaring me in school were awesome we always ended up laughing afterward. Often times I see videos like Michael Jackson’s Ghosts and think, he would have had a blast with it, because it had good special effects, talking parts and music, he often said, he could moonwalk in his chair just like MJ.

Like my mother told me when he died more than 13 years ago. “Don’t be sad that he is gone, be happy that you got to know him”. I gotta say, she is right. Still, sometimes I do miss his smile, and the way he always made the best of even the worst situation,  Or the look on his face when I ate super hot sauce with my lunch, he looked at me like he was waiting for me to explode.

As for Rudy he has yet, to log in. It’s all good, I don’t think he likes Skype much anyway, still, Skype did make me smile, so win win situation.Until my next post remember, it may not always be an easy thing to be happy, but it sure is the most fun of all of them.

March, oh how you stress me…

Dear Reader,

Where should I begin? This month, I have had a chance to talk to a lot of my family members from my mom’s side. Holy Internet, is all I can say. The degrees of separation or the actual separation, are becoming dismal at best.

There is a reason I try not to lose myself on social networks and get invested on others updates. Reason, some are funny, others are sad, heartbreaking, shocking or simply unpleasant. With that being said, I got inspired to be more “social”, follow the family posts and even comment back and forth on some. Then one morning, I woke up logged  in; and was as though everyone on my list was a in a competition to shock me, make me sad, or down right tick me off. So I posted my final post for a while “Taking a vacation….”

You would think that was the end of it. It was not, around the weekend I turned off my cell phone. I could not talk to anyone, I had to un-stress my brain and deal with the information overload the first weeks of March had brought me.

In the middle of that sadly wires were crossed, now my inbox is empty. Talk about bad luck huh? However, considering how things have been going on my social life lately I’m not surprised.

Not all is bad though, there is a light at the end of every tunnel and I got mine. It’s called mom and dad, I had a pleasant chat with my parents today. My mother, didn’t know the meaning of a social network vacation because she logged in as me by total accidental necessity of course, she changed to the new UI and she figured log in and out. Log in as someone else, (me) to see if that fixed it, she finally called me. I explained the updates, and she gave up on reverting the changes. There there is always Nolan my cat and a welcomed surprise, Sammy his sister. She has been unusually sweet and adorable with me.

My parents told me to keep my chin up. Oh parents how is it that they can see my sad soul even when I smile like someone just gave me a chocolate cake? Or pets to for that matter, I will never know. My parents are wonderful though, my dad made me laugh today and my mother promised me homemade hot sauce. Oh smiles are coming I can tell!  Until then, MJ music and hope and the two sweetness cats in the world should do the trick.

Not all is bad something awesome always follows a storm I will keep you posted.

My best friend and I…

Dear Reader,

It is a rare occasion in one’s life when we can rebuilt the bridges burned, resuscitate the dead relationships like a phoenix from the ashes.

In the past two months you followed me in my journey through hell and back. A bit over dramatic maybe to some but to me it literally was hell. I lost the best friend I’ve ever had and probably ever will have. The day he walked out of my life will be burned forever in my memory as a constant reminder that our friendship is worth fighting for against anything and anyone. The term friend is easily thrown about in today’s social circles, so it might be difficult for some to understand why go to so much trouble for one person. The answer is simple. He maybe be just one person to you, but to me he is the world entire.

I never mentioned this friend by name, though most of my posts are directed at him. Still as I write this I am asking myself if knowing his name matters much, after all, as Shakespeare once wrote, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. I believe he is right.

Very recently. I contacted my friend apologized for my part in the dissolution of our friendship. I did not hear from him, for what felt like an eternity I began to feel it was truly over. Then the random message came. About a story, he wanted to write.

Slowly we started writing again comparing notes on how things were perceived by our eyes.  We came to the conclusion that we were simply victims of a woman hell bent on destroying a friendship. Part of me wants to think it was merely because while she knew him for longer than I. I had gotten to know him far better than she did. She couldn’t handle that, so she set out to turn me into the monster that she is.

On the outside, I guess I can say, she is evil pure and simple, but today I learned she twisted things around. She made her actions mine and my actions hers. So when she told her side she looked amazing. She was, of course, reading my lines in the script of life and she made me out to read hers.  So I guess, in the end of all this mess. I am flattered that someone would want to be so much like me, that they would steal my words and my thoughts. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery so they say. There comes a time however, when a person’s true colors show, and they become nothing more than a cheap and worthless imitation of something greater than themselves.

After all was set in done, both me and my best friend continued speaking to each other. As though time had simply stood still waiting for us to say continue. Continue we shall, a little wiser for the wear. Where we go from here, no one knows, as the song says, “Que será, será, whatever will be will be, the future is not ours to see”

The Return…

Dear Reader,

Ever have something very dear to you return? Picture this, I was still in high school maybe before then. My mother had a custom necklace made for me. It’s not gold nor valuable for that matter, it’s made of string and has a round stone at the bottom that looks like a brown eye. It’s really cool. Well when I went swimming with my mother to my aunt’s house. I took it off as to not damage it in the hot water.

Then the swim was over, and I forgot it.  She kept it, and for one reason or another always forgot she had it.  About 12+ years later, yesterday, I went over to her house, and there it was as new as if I had just taken it off. She returned it to me. It’s my favorite of all time things. It’s very special, I cannot figure out why, but ever since I lost it, it was like a part of me was not there.  When it was returned to me it was like a long, long journey finally came full circle.

It made me wonder about the things we lose, be it stuff, or friendships or connections with that special someone. Will they ever come back?

Yesterday, I had my memories rush back into my mind like a flood.  I went to Wal-Mart. I was looking for a dry erase board so my aunt found someone to help us, which being the fourth of July it was difficult. Finally near the electronic department, there was a man. When I finally caught up with her, and I saw him, a huge smile spread across my face, and the look of wonder of sorts, was there too. This man, looked like someone I know. I half expected him to reply with an English accent. He finally guided me in the right direction. Then as we were checking out, I saw something quite beautiful. Here it is:

mjcanAnyway, there you have it, I had to get one, as it turns out I occasionally drink Pepsi, but this time coupled with the person I just seen, it reminded me of someone. Then I smiled, I came home looked at the moon for a while sent it all my good thoughts and all in all it was a good day.

About Me…

Dear Reader,

With the increase of social media outlets and places that require a sort of profile, we are unavoidably presented with the About Me section. In some places is short and sweet and with a 164 character limit, in others like UK Pals, is more of a give me your best ten lines about you. Either way it’s worded you are stuck trying to describe yourself and the kind of person that you are.

That question has been hunting me the last couple of days, because up until now, I’ve always said, “get to know me and you decide”.  That had worked well to a point. Then recent events in my life taught me a very important lesson. Be who I am, and defend that image with all I have.

About a month ago, out of selfishness and in part because my feelings were so hurt, almost beyond repair, I allowed a woman to paint the picture of whom she thought I was, instead of fighting that horrid description, I went along with it, and furthered that image to the bitter end.  In the process, a very special person in my life, left thinking less than highly of me I’m sure.

In the end, it got me thinking. Who am I really?  I am a real person that’s for damn sure. I bleed red just like everyone else, and like everyone I err; not a stellar human quality but no one is perfect. I believe in chances, in opportunities of redemption. I believe in love, (yes even the fairytale love that you read in romance novels).  I loved very few people in my life and each and every one in their own unique way. I’ve met people and shared their lives with them. Best of all, I believe in soul-mates. I believe there are those people in this world right now, that are meant to find each other whether near or far, and share their lives in some way. Those people you love in a very unique way. I hold fast to my friends like I hold to my dreams. (though at the moment I seem to be one short :() I am also a little stubborn (my dad tells me that all the time). I am a huge Michael Jackson fan. I love! drinking Coca-Cola, though sometimes I been known to drink Pepsi ;), I can’t help it, brings back good memories. Few things scare me, but no matter how old I get there has been three fears that have still hung around. The first one, is my fear of plunging things into a light socket. Mom says, it’s because when I was a little girl, I had very little touch sensitivity, so she caught me trying to fit a metal wire in a light socket and was shocked that I had no reaction to the apparent electrical shock. (She hid the light sockets from me from that day on :d). Another thing that scares me is feeling empty and alone. It’s true that you can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel the deepest coldest loneliness ever. Lastly in a little less of a poetic fashion, I’m terribly scared of earthquakes, we had one recently and it scared me more than I would like to admit. My life ambition is to make a positive change in this world.  My friend Martin used to say before he died, that I”d already done that, thus I could die a happy woman. That’s who I am.

Billie Jean…

Dear Reader,

Picture this, I was only maybe seven years old. I walk into a living room. The first thing I see is a man with a sparkly black jacket and a shirt, cool high water pants white socks, black shoes and moves to match. Then the most magical thing happened, he moon walked.  I know MJ didn’t invent the moonwalk but he sure made it look good. I vowed to learn to speak English so that I may understand the words that were sung by the most beautiful voice I heard to this day.

The song was Billie Jean, the setting Motown 25. I didn’t know it at the time, but that all was happening on television when I was only a few months old. Yet thanks to reruns MTV was showing it once more. There I was, right time, right place and in time to witness the magic that was, is, and will continue to be Michael Jackson.

Even when I could not understand his words, his voice was always there in the best of times and also in the worst of times, reminding me to “Keep the Faith”, to look at the “Man in the Mirror”; and in  2009, I was reminded that “this life don’t last forever”.

It is difficult to explain to those who have hated him and marginalized him, for things, not a single one of them was there to witness; why MJ is still to this day mourned and celebrated and remembered. Three years ago today, the world cried at the same time, asking themselves why, as though we all expected Michael to live forever. I was one of those many. The emptiness his sudden departure left cannot be put into words.

I will miss you for the rest of my life. Thank you, for being my inspiration, strength, and my faith that the world can truly be a better place.

I made this video back in 2006. Now is holds a far deeper meaning than it did then. Like all his fans, I too wish I had One More Chance at far more than love.

Long Live Michael Jackson…

 

One More Chance…

Dear Reader

Yesterday I had something happen which was quite exciting for the first few minutes when it happened, and afterward, I was swallowed up by the deepest sadness, I’ve felt so far this year.  My first thought after all the dust settled was, I have no one to tell this little adventure to.  It was one of those kitchen accidents which would had made me laugh, if my friend could share it with me. Then I realized aside from my fiancee I can only share such an occurrence with my cat, and the thought made me laugh, but at the same time it gave me a knot on the throat.

I”m not that good at being social. It has also taken me these two weeks to realize making friends, truly connecting  with someone, is far more difficult than finding the cure to the common cold.   Yesterday, I understood that song titled “One More Chance” there is part of it that says, “hurts so bad sometimes it’s hard to breath”;  funny I made that video, and thought it’s for the love brokenhearted.  Yet the words about pain also apply to anyone we cared about that is no longer in our lives.

A wise person once told me, there is no pain that last 100 years nor is there a body that can stand it. I want to believe that, I guess today is just one of those days, where like a Jenga puzzle I fall to pieces.  I can’t help it, it happens.

Last night I had a very unique dream. I saw a woman, in my dreams, about as old as my mother. Her face has been hunting me all morning. Not that is was an evil face, far from it warm reassuring and full of home feeling.  I don’t quite remember where I saw her in my dream.  She was reading me the cards, she said, “the person you can’t stop thinking about can’t stop thinking about you either. Is a friend yes? He misses you too, and when all the dust settles in his life he will come back never to leave again”.   She said a lot of other things, but I can’t remember them,  It was all a jumble of things.

If there was a time, to wish dreams came true I most definitively pick that one. Of all the dreams I’ve had that one is on my top 3.  If only dreams did come true.

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