As I sat tonight catching up with my past posts that I had yet to publish I noticed there was at least two, that stayed drafts for a reason. They were sad. I really don’t remember why, I was so down. Which in a way is a good thing, I suppose.
Strange, how sad moments work. Right as they happen it seems the end of the world, now looking back at it. I realize, that sad moments are small compared to how enormous they weight on the soul when they happen.
Today, I have many reasons to smile. One of them is my cat. Yes, call me crazy cat lady all you like, but my cat Nolan is too cute for words. When I’m upset he acts more adorable than usual. It’s difficult not to smile at such cuteness.
Life is not perfect and sometimes we do things we regret sooner or later. Sometimes life surprises you, and shows you the beauty of being upbeat. Not all is life through rose colored glasses of course. Some things happen and they slap you in the face with the force of a mighty army; when that happens you just have to shake it off, and hope you become a better person than you were.
I am not perfect far from it. No one is perfect, regardless of how flawless they may seem on the outside. Some err because of pain, panic, or desperation. Others because of blind fate. Who knows, either way, may we be better people in the end and try to focus on the good moments of the past and the present, and hope for more in the future.
For the past week, a friend of mine from Mexico, Rudy, has been telling me he would be on Skype, that I should log in, and then we can live chat. Being he, the only MJ fan I know that I can talk to and have fun with sharing stories of MJ’s music news stories and such. I looked forward to it, that and he was going to tell me all about his new boyfriend.
So there I am like a good girl, logged in on Facebook, Skype and Yahoo, from the moment I was awake til I went to bed, which like I put it is pretty much London time. I’m weird like that. Then I saw a blast from the very recent past log in, and I smiled, because I though right then, “All is well”. I’m not rude or anything, I would have said hello, but I have not exactly heard a reply to any emails I sent a while back, and I don’t know what the social convention is, but I’m pretty sure that is a passive way to say, “Don’t bother me”.
It happened so for 3 nights, and I thought, of how odd it was. I have not logged in to Skype in almost a year maybe more, and the very night I do, There is a person I still consider Martin Status Best Friend. I send good thoughts, smiled and continued reading, building my puzzles or watching “Burn Notice”. A few moments, during the day I thought of Martin, and what it would be like now had he lived to be as old as me. I fancied what it would have been like had he started using email. My guess is, he would have had a blast with Google Image Search, finding the scariest images to try to make me jump off my seat. For some reason scaring the daylights out of me, was always a source of the greatest fun for him. It was always in good fun though, never cruel, the times he tried scaring me in school were awesome we always ended up laughing afterward. Often times I see videos like Michael Jackson’s Ghosts and think, he would have had a blast with it, because it had good special effects, talking parts and music, he often said, he could moonwalk in his chair just like MJ.
Like my mother told me when he died more than 13 years ago. “Don’t be sad that he is gone, be happy that you got to know him”. I gotta say, she is right. Still, sometimes I do miss his smile, and the way he always made the best of even the worst situation, Or the look on his face when I ate super hot sauce with my lunch, he looked at me like he was waiting for me to explode.
As for Rudy he has yet, to log in. It’s all good, I don’t think he likes Skype much anyway, still, Skype did make me smile, so win win situation.Until my next post remember, it may not always be an easy thing to be happy, but it sure is the most fun of all of them.
Picture this, I was only maybe seven years old. I walk into a living room. The first thing I see is a man with a sparkly black jacket and a shirt, cool high water pants white socks, black shoes and moves to match. Then the most magical thing happened, he moon walked. I know MJ didn’t invent the moonwalk but he sure made it look good. I vowed to learn to speak English so that I may understand the words that were sung by the most beautiful voice I heard to this day.
The song was Billie Jean, the setting Motown 25. I didn’t know it at the time, but that all was happening on television when I was only a few months old. Yet thanks to reruns MTV was showing it once more. There I was, right time, right place and in time to witness the magic that was, is, and will continue to be Michael Jackson.
Even when I could not understand his words, his voice was always there in the best of times and also in the worst of times, reminding me to “Keep the Faith”, to look at the “Man in the Mirror”; and in 2009, I was reminded that “this life don’t last forever”.
It is difficult to explain to those who have hated him and marginalized him, for things, not a single one of them was there to witness; why MJ is still to this day mourned and celebrated and remembered. Three years ago today, the world cried at the same time, asking themselves why, as though we all expected Michael to live forever. I was one of those many. The emptiness his sudden departure left cannot be put into words.
I will miss you for the rest of my life. Thank you, for being my inspiration, strength, and my faith that the world can truly be a better place.
I made this video back in 2006. Now is holds a far deeper meaning than it did then. Like all his fans, I too wish I had One More Chance at far more than love.
Long Live Michael Jackson…
This past seven days or so have been filled with activity, quite frankly I’m exhausted. Yet Nolan my cat has been successful in waking me up at all hours.
Of all that has taken place in the past seven days or so, I’d say my trip to Idyllwild California was absolutely the best. Up on til this past weekend I was not aware there was such beauty so close to here. We drove up to the mountain side, and saw lots and lots of trees and it was just wonderful. We had some pizza fresh made, and while we ate we got a good view of what can only describe as nature’s best views. It was almost as close to a Thomas Kinkade as I’ve been able to get in these couple of years. On our way back we stopped at a placed called Vista Point which is just a small parking lot over looking the mountains, absolutely gorgeous. I made a wish there and I hope that when it comes true I will be back there. I had a moment of reflection there and of course it also reminded me of a place often described to me as a place to take a break before the end of the work day.
No doubt this weekend has reminded me of the old days. So much so, that in the last seven days I visited Martin’s grave, and I just could not believe, he had no flowers in it; not only that but the space reserved for flower placement was over grown with grass and looked as though no one had placed flowers in it in years. My heart sank you see it was not too long ago it was his birthday. I guess people do forget about each other. It’s been 14 years and I still think about him from time to time. I just got to thinking the way I see his face anymore is by visiting his grave, ah the wonders of technology, how far we come that now can engrave photos on tombstones.
This week has had many elements of busy, so much so I decided to make a list of things to get done before July. Here is hoping it all goes well and who knows, I might have more to report in the months to come.
Since, I have had limited uninterrupted sleep, I guess all I can report, where dreams are concerned is a dream I had this week. In my dream I was playing Keno, I’ve heard the name before and if memory fails me not, I think it’s a game similar to Bingo. Anyway, I’ve won at Keno. Then when it was time to claim my price, I had to present I.D. I had like four of them a mix of guys and girls. I was confused and the first thing I thought is mail them to the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles). So I was then in an office which looked like a post office sorting place, and I was looking for a mail man. I found him, this person had a gold heart locket type thing pinned to the shirt, it was pretty looking and out of place, don’t know why I think of it, or why it caught my attention, however, I do believe, it had letters on it, I don’t know what they were. For some reason I was not happy, I just remember saying, “Postman… Figures!” Then, I was in a room and waiting for someone or something. I woke up after that. Not much of a shocker dream, but it was a good one, I do not wish to win at Keno, but it’s nice to know in my dreams I can. 😀
Times like yesterday make me wonder why I never learned to drive. I tried learning at 16 (my daddy’s proudest moment). Now that I think about it considering that I put the car in reverse without holding the break and it going very fast on reverse was probably plenty a red face moment for him too. Needless to say, I gave up trying after that scare. Tried again at 18, 21, 23. No dice, I can remember details upon details. I’m pretty smart and a fast learner too, but when it comes to driving, one thing is knowing the book like the back of my hand and another very different one, is actually putting all that into action. To me a car has a mind of it’s own. So here is to hoping next time I sit at the driver seat I succeed.
The bus ride yesterday was refreshing and surprisingly peaceful. The hellish weather didn’t bother me, after all we do have the best public transport this side of the U.S. it’s quite a treat. I got to see many buildings and it was like seeing a child hood pass by. I remember those building from being in the back seat as my dad was driven to work. Now here I was an adult, and the buildings still there, giving you a very early nineties feel.
I got to see many different people in the bus, and I wondered where they were headed, where they came from. I thought about many things. Specially where I am headed in my life. All I can say is yesterday was the first solid step in the right direction, and while sometime I may take up learning to drive again, I will take the bus from time to time for days like yesterday.
Yesterday for about ten minutes or so I was suddenly inundated by this amazing smell of roses. Ah something tells me somewhere out there magical things where happening. My mom used to say, when I was little that getting what I now know as a phantom smell of something yummy was because there was an angel in the room. There is no disputing her claims after all Nolan my cat spent about the same amount of time staring at the wall at nothing at all. On my end, I smiled and hoped my first explanation was right that wonderful, magical things were happening.
It can always mean something good for me as well, I can dream can’t I?
I been thinking a bit about rainbows too. I’ve seen my fare share of rainbows in my life. All very short and barely visible. I used to see them in my dreams too, anytime I would dream of a rain storm, I would always find the rainbow there somewhere.
I’ve actually seen one in real life though, it was a weekend I think, since it was early in the morning and I went out determined to send out a letter. It was a rainy day. As we were approaching destination. I saw the biggest most perfect rainbow I’ve had ever seen before or since. It started at one end of the building I was heading too and ended at the other end of the building. I had no idea what other than an optical illusion those rainbows were. I was just really happy to see it. Now after some searching and reading, it seems the rainbows used to be seen as stairways to heaven. Cool huh?
I don’t know why that rainbow came to mind today, I guess is because as time goes by, rainbows represent hope to me. Hope they say, is the last thing we should lose. I kind of disagree, because that would mean a lot of people have nothing to lose anymore, after they become hopeless. Nah, I think Mike (King of Pop) had it best figured out. The last thing anyone should lose is Faith.
So to sum it up, there is two things no person can ever lose, Faith and Dreams, if you have those hope always returns and with it the smiles, the laughs. With faith, hopes, and dreams you stop existing and start truly living.
Who said TV does not inspire. Lately I been seeing this whimsical, for a lack of a better word, Pepsi Commercial, The slogan is “Live for Now”. Usually the moments in our lives are punctuated and are remembered more by the things that happen around us than for what actually happens.
I’m not a particularly huge fan of Nikki whatever her name is, in my opinion Michael and Britney have done worlds better. However this repetitive question did get me thinking, about how would you answer it. The question this time is “If I could have this moment for life?” Granted, is not quite a question but I drowned the rest of the lyrics, and asked my self what if.
If I could have any moment for life which would it be and why? I have many wonderful memories in my life especially in the last seven years.
The more I thought about it I would have given anything to have, the bus rides to school with my best friend Martin. Those are the moments I think back on these days. He made me laugh cheered me up and taught me a thing or two about people. I would definitively have those moments for life.