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Dear Reader,

Oh yes, about right this second I feel like screaming into my pillow. Frustration much? Oh yes, very much! See, since I moved here, there has been this endless parade of music, loud and annoying. It was off and on, here and there. I could never pin point the source, but it was there. Last night it kept me up way past my now usual bedtime. of 11 PM.  Today it started an hour ago, the same CD with the same ruined tracks that skip.  Last night they let the CD Skip for well over 15 minutes.

The noise came from the flat above me. Grrr! And tripple Grrr!

If things don’t improve tonight or tomorrow that is three strikes, and management will have to be notified. I need my sleep. Sleep equals awesome dreams. Sleep also leads to feeling rested, feeling rested leads to smiles, smiles bring about good Karma, followed by fun emails. Fun emails equals happy me. Happy me leads to good cooking, creativity and such. I so need sleep!




Feeling better for now…

Dear Reader,

Update on my health it’s been up and down for the past month. It’s been hazy at times and others I been so sharp I felt as though it was over. Right now it’s a good day, yesterday was not and the day before was even worse. Thank heavens for video games. I finally finished one I was working on for months. More on that later though. Oh it’s going to get it’s own post.

Today I woke up sick of being sick if that makes sense. It was one of those days where I made myself get out of bed smile and put on some music. I also went out for some fresh air. Oh yes, despite the nation being on zero or bellow temperatures around here it’s been…. Freezing to the bone of course, but survivable. Today the temperature was nice and no wind. So I went out for a walk on the fresh air for about half an hour, and it helped. Cleared my head and when I got back, I cleaned up my place. Yes, when we feel sick we need to stay in bed, nothing against that there just comes a point where being in bed makes me in particular feel worse.

So clean house and fresh air around the place, some Pandora Radio tunes and it feels normal for the first time in a month. This flu season was no joke. It kicked my ass. Let’s see if this ‘feeling better’ moment last longer than a day. I will keep you posted, until next time. Time for some more really horrible tasting medication.

Stay safe kids. Smile, and above all, be the best you you can be.

The Flu…

Dear Reader,

The last few days are all a haze to me. On the 20th I vomited and since then it all has been but a haze to me. I don’t remember many times where I been as sick as I was the last few days. I’m generally very healthy, so this flu both surprised me and kicked my butt.

I’ve tried to stay active, and joyful, I been waiting for this flu to finally be over and I still have an annoying tickle in my throat. Hopefully it will be gone by next week.

Advice my friends, get your flu shot. Personally I wish I had gotten mine, but you know I’m afraid of needles, so I passed on it. Now that I think of it though,  even if it would have hurt, it would have been over in a few seconds. So next year, it’s a flu shot for me.

I honestly don’t ever want to feel as sick and I have these last few days. It is not something I wish on anyone. I’ve had colds before, but the flu I think I only remember having it twice  ever before. It’s horrible.

To the positive thought of the day. I am happy. The holidays came and went peacefully, can’t wait for normal days to be here again. The final thought of this year, be kind to one another. Be positive. Above all smile!

A year to remember…

Dear Reader,

This will be a year to surely remember. Although is not quite over yet, I have a load of memories that I will cherish for years to come.  This year I have seen people come and go, and in the world of my dreams have had some really messed up ones out of left field, but far more beautiful ones.

All in all I’m very peaceful. I finally got to work on a blanket I started years ago. I had no idea what to do with it, then my mom suggested I keep it around to keep adding to it as time goes on.  I’ve always said, great minds think alike, well not so far back I got a similar suggestion, so having two confirmations I think the blanket will stay, maybe every time I reach a goal, I will add another line or two. As far as how it will look in a few years, I”m sure Nolan’s claws will have something to do with it, but that dude is so adorable I cannot be mad if it looks like a crazy mess.

In the mean time here is hoping the remainder of the year is as wonderful as the past few months have been.

Joy to the world indeed!

Reasons to Smile…

Dear Reader,

As I sat tonight catching up with my past posts that I had yet to publish I noticed there was at least two, that stayed drafts for a reason. They were sad. I really don’t remember why, I was so down. Which in a way is a good thing, I suppose.

Strange, how sad moments work. Right as they happen it seems the end of the world, now looking back at it. I realize, that sad moments are small compared to how enormous they weight on the soul when they happen.

Today, I have many reasons to smile. One of them is my cat. Yes, call me crazy cat lady all you like, but my cat Nolan is too cute for words. When I’m upset he acts more adorable than usual. It’s difficult not to smile at such cuteness.

Life is not perfect and sometimes we do things we regret sooner or later. Sometimes life surprises you, and shows you the beauty of being upbeat. Not all is life through rose colored glasses of course. Some things happen and they slap you in the face with the force of a mighty army; when that happens you just have to shake it off, and hope you become a better person than you were.

I am not perfect far from it. No one is perfect, regardless of how flawless they may seem on the outside. Some err because of pain, panic, or desperation. Others because of blind fate. Who knows, either way, may we be better people in the end and try to focus on the good moments of the past and the present, and hope for more in the future.

He Misses You…

Dear Reader,

Before we get all religious on the subject. Let me explain, I’m not the most religious person in the world, probably the least religious one you will know. However, I don’t go out of my way to hurt someone, or be evil. That said, I try to be a good human being. Whether or not I succeed is another matter entirely. That said, a few days ago I had a dream which I remember vividly but only the last part of it. I guess it was the most important part anyway.

I was in this patio of yellow tile all over the floor and walls. There was plants in pots all around. A man caught my attention. This man was very old, blue eyes silver hair. He shook my hand and said,

“I have a letter for you dear”.

To which I replied in a very Vernon Dursley way,

“Who’d be writing to me? In case you have not noticed, It’s been a month since I got anything resembling communication”.

He smiled, and was surrounded by this bright light, and I was lost in his eyes. I never seen kinder eyes in my life. He handed me the letter, it was in very old paper looked like parchment, gorgeous handwriting, and before I turned to read it, he said to me.

“He misses you, you know”.

Again, I turned and calmly said,

“Trust me no one misses me. If I did a Houdini tomorrow, it would be a long while for anyone to even notice I was no longer around.”

He smiled grabbed my hand and said, “He misses you, you silly girl, God misses you”.

I replied calmly,

“That makes two of us, I been wondering where’s He’s been all this time. So what, now I’m suppose to go to church or something? Besides, He knows where to find me, he sees all right? It’s not like I”m invisible here. I do pray you know”.

“It’s not like that at all, why don’t you read the letter huh?” He said.

So I turned to read it and it said “Dear CC Girl”. I could not read the rest, because at this moment I had the odd feeling that the man I was just talking to was God, I turn around and think to myself, “Very funny”. He looked at me winked, smiled and the next thing I know I was surrounded by white roses blooming before my eyes and floating all around me. I woke up.

I woke up, with that bit of my dream still fresh in my thoughts. I would have not written about it. Except I had the same dream for 3 nights now. The scenery is always the same. I never get to read the letter, there are things that change, but it ends the same way. Same old man. Two nights ago, besides insisting I was missed, he said, my favorite thing about you is you know people.”

Of course I wake up always the same way. Part of me thinking if I know people so well, why am I the one that gets, fooled? Answer, I allow myself to get fooled.

To clarify I’m not suicidal, never been, never will be. Life as good or bad as it can get is a gift. Enjoy it. Remember this, no one in this world can make you happy. Only you can make you happy. All others can only add to your happiness. That my friends I consider the secret of life.

Journey to Chicken…

Dear Reader,

I am a bit nervous today. Ah, but because I am a girl I should be used to nerves right? Wrong! I grew up with the wonderful smells of my mother’s cooking, and yes, I do think, like all children that no one cooks better than my mother.

Today, I been thinking a lot about mom’s amazing cooking, because for the first time in my life, I will venture into making chicken. Okay, so I cooked chicken before, but it came with instructions, in a bag from the frozen section. I’ve never made raw fresh chicken. My nerves are at their worst. I mean, I know they say, you can’t mess up chicken, but trust me if there is a way to do it, I will discover it. I’m not being negative, I just know me and chicken, fish and those weird other meats are as unfriendly as oil and water. I mean I eat a variety of things compliments of my mother’s kitchen. Today, I decided to experiment with chicken. I need a small victory, and I’m hoping this is it.

Just as I typed this, I had a memory flash inside my head. Back when I was a child a really small child, so eons ago. The very first word I learned in English was kitchen. Then I discovered the word Chicken. Ah the glory, when I was a much older child to find out what those words really meant. For the longest time I thought they meant each other. So when I meant learn, I should say, half learned. I learned to read English before I knew what I was reading, so for the longest time I fancied the word kitchen was the word for Chicken and vise versa.

So, I”m off to conquer the chicken and may this be the start of something fabulous, in the kitchen.

Random question: If you were caught in a rain storm, what is the first thing you would do?

Me, I would wait for puddles and plash around like a little kid. The next part of me would wish it to rain for hours, just enough to end up with wet socks.  I was thinking about that question today, because we been promised rain for days in a row now, and not a drop has come, only gray skies.

Until my next post, remember: “Life is never clear cut, but discovering it’s little treats along the way is what makes life worth living.”


That moment when…

Dear Reader,

Ever been on the phone with someone and you get put on hold? Then it’s endless minutes of elevator music or just dead air. Well that happened to me almost a week ago, mom was walking around the house, and doing a lot of things at once. She thought she had placed me on hold, but missed the button by a mile. It was then that I heard something extremely hurtful. Not that I have not heard my sister put her foot in her mouth before, but this time, it really hurt.

She said the most awful things about me, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware I am not the most stellar individual, however, I am not overall a rotten apple to the core. Well, she also expressed similar thoughts about mother as I later found out.

So you see when it rains, it really pours, today for instance I found out I was added to the restricted section of Facebook. You know that amazing little bit of technology that allows you to have friends on Facebook, yet they can only read what you made specifically public. Ah yes, I am on that list. Here I am, just in a small way wondering why. I mean, I did express my opinion and while it was not a good opinion, it landed me in the penalty box so to speak. The weird thing is, I thought all was well and all the bridges mended and apologies accepted and what not. So if that is, then what was this for? Don’t worry I don’t need an answer to that one. I kindda gotten used to things like that, they have happened 3 times before. First with Jane Doe, then someone named Sarah, long story short. Like immunity. The first time you get a cold, you hurt everywhere and feel like you got run over, the second time slightly less so, by the 3rd time you pretty much only notice the runny nose.

That is the life of me, people can treat me like I’m the bad guy, and want to make me pay for it, but when they fail, I don’t even ask the basic question of “Why?”.  In my sister’s case, we are related and eventually will have to see each other again and act as civil as possible, in other people’s case, I really don’t know. I am a fan of finding answers, but in the most latest case of having things turned upside down when I thought all was well, AGAIN, I think I will let these questions go.  I often said good friendships relationships are worth fighting for, but even the Titanic eventually sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.

Until next time remember this: “You maybe one person, but for one person you can hold the world entire”

Visitors and Random Bits…

Dear Reader,

I was suppose to have visitors to my house today. Mom and other family members were to drop by so we could spend the day together, but somehow, it all fell through, and of course I was left waiting needlessly. My mother got so busy she forgot to call and cancel all plans. Totally not cool.

Maybe it’s Karma, but nothing seems to be going right these past two months. See told you I’m not a nice person. Oh well as they say, “this too shall pass”. As usual mom read my past entry and spend a good part of the late afternoon reminding me I have more friends.

So let me clarify. I have one Ultimate friend, you know the one person I would trust with my deepest darkest secrets and such. Then I have Old Friends, those that if they call you ten years later is like time has not passed. Then there is the regular friends, of those I have quite a few, in fact, about five. Then there is people I just know.  I had to explain that to mom, she think anyone that you known for a long time is a friend all others just people you know. My sophisticated categorizing was too much for her.

So with that being said, the visit of today went south quick. I’m not exactly sad about it, as I am not quite comfortable entertaining guests. I can deal with one person two max at a time but the four or five would drown me if the expression fits.

On the update for today, even though I’m not exactly one with nature, I’ve gone out again, it’s becoming quite a habit, I almost memorized the layout of my complex go me.

To answer the random question of my past entry, I should say if I could see anything of space the sky and such, it would have to be the Northern Lights, or a similar thing over Alaska, that would be marvelous.

Now for the random question of today:

What is your ultimately favorite smell?

Oh I also came up with a new thing of the day. The phrase of the day. Did you know that everyday you hear something that makes an impact, makes you laugh or you just tend to remember said thing longer? Well, in this case the phrase of the day or rather quote of the day comes from me.

“Without further ado”

I guess I should explain huh? Well you see, today I made someone laugh, when I said it, it was during a phone call. I know the phrase was not invented my moi, but it’s something I said, it made someone’s day.

Remember no matter how dark your days, the sun is bound to rise again someday, so keep your head up and smile.



Dear Reader,

I spent the day watching movies, mostly Korean movies. I like the language and some bits, I already understand.  The story line is nothing new, but it’s some how refreshing to see it, from their perspective.

I caught myself wondering how I must sound in Spanish to people who only speak English for example, do my words sound as run together as Korean does to me? Perhaps. It was not just he language I wondered about; it is also me as a person. I’ve grown up with so many influences from different parts of the world, that I see myself as a mish mosh of all of them. A really cool one, I might add.

I also felt foreign to my space, like I should be somewhere else. Then, I thought who doesn’t. Life has it’s moments, when I wonder what if… yes, there are things I wish I could have done different, things I could have said different, but then I am who I am. As terrible or good a person as I can be, I am perhaps, the most forgiving one I know. Take my friends for instance, I have known some for over ten years, over those years we have stepped on each others toes, and even stopped calling. Yet, if my phone were to ring, I’d be answering it gladly. To some the concept is foreign, or pathetic. Take your pick. Either way, that’s me.

I’m pretty much like an indoor cat, the concept of going out into nature is very new to me, I’ve never been fully comfortable going out and being one with nature. I tried though, just a few days back, and been trying ever since, pretty cool, is just not my thing, as I told mom, “Face it I’m a geek, I am at peace when in front of the PC screen”. She has come to accept that. She always, tried telling me, “you should take a page off XYZ’s book, he goes out, he gets on his bike, he lets the sun hit him in the face once in a while”. Yes, my mother thinks the world of the only friend I got left. Lately, though she has been cutting me some slack, even tries to talk about my PC projects, which lately have been put on hold for lack of inspiration.

Yes, the real world is wonderful, and even though more often than not it’s the road not taken, that does not mean I don’t know how it works. The perk of being an observer, bystander or whatever you call it, is that I get to know people very well so far. I will let you know when “very well” becomes “so so”. Until then and for a while it seems, you are my only recipient. That being said, since I have no one to share my random questions of the day I will ask you.

Random question time, If you could see anything out in space, planets stars galaxies, and see them well, in all their glorious detail which would you pick?  I will let you know my answer tomorrow. Remember, it’s good to be sad, but it’s even greater to be filled with Joy.

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