I know most of the time I don’t write anything important. In fact, I seem to be way too positive to be humanly allowed. That is only because, we need to always hope for the best out come in whatever we do.
With that said, “Hello again”. You know back in the day and even occasionally today, if you tune into to a channel you catch a commercial for signs of a stroke? Or those heart attack commercials. Well, they should have another commercial, “When to go to the hospital?” Trust me, it would have saved me hours of grief.
I recently on four occasions, had a ache bellow my rib cage that radiated from side to side and stayed on the top half of my stomach. It usually went away with Pepto and some Aspirin.
On August 28, I was having dinner, watched TV, and suddenly, the pain came back. It came back with a fury. If you like to know what with a fury means, well, let’s just say it was the kind of pain that made me cry for my mother. I’m 32, so you get the point.I refused to do anything about it until mom called me the next afternoon and I was to busy throwing up, she took that as her invitation to come get me.
I was admitted to the hospital, on August 29th. I was scheduled for surgery the next morning.
August 30th, at around noon I went into the operating room, where the doctor proceeded to remove my very infected gallbladder. I had a tough time waking up, last I remember I felt as though I could not breath. The feeling, was strange.
After three more days in the hospital afterward, I was allowed to come home.
I’ve never had surgery in my life so naturally the night I spent in the hospital being asked about my final directive, and whom I would choose to make medical decisions for me, was kind of hard. I broke down and cried, there is so much you don’t think of. All I remember is thinking of the people I hold dear in my heart and wondering what they would do? Thinking, what if I didn’t make it out alive? Would I ever speak to them again. Once I calmed down. I was able to sleep, I went into surgery and all was better than my worse fears.
I”m home now, and I”m fine. If anything I’m lucky that surgery has come along way since they started removing the gallbladder.
So to my gallbladder, We had 32 wonderful years, goodbye you will be missed.
Before I begin this post, I will say, that my absence, was not due to a malady. It was not due for lack of things to write about, trust me the past four or so months have been full of surprises, some good and some not so good, but all under the sky has it’s ups and downs I suppose. I guess, I stayed away from writing because, It’s was like a horse race on a dusty road; the end was only in sight after the dust settled.
I have proven once and again, that which I was told when I was very young. Someone said to me, “To see others happy is the greatest joy anyone can ever hope to have”. Over the last four months I have seen many people that are dear to my heart be happy. I could not help in those times, but to play music and celebrate their contentment.
My day has just begun, and while normally I wait until the end of the day to write about it, today I decided to make an exception.
Remember, to always find a reason to smile.
Every so often take a break and a deep breath; continue on the path of life. Sometimes, the walk may seem full of tribulations, doubts, and even frustrations. When that happens, just know, that while it does rain occasionally, the sun must and always will shine through even the darkest of skies.
Growing up, and that was not too long ago. I always thought of Time Magazine as the Holy Grail of sorts. You weren’t somebody until you made it into Time Magazine, that’s when even the serious people took notice.
Fast forward to the present times. I find myself greatly confused. I always figured that Time’s 100 Most Influential People of the World, would be made up of people who positively influenced the world we live in.
When I read this year’s list, I thought that was still the case, I mean with such people as Pope Francis, Megyn Kelly, Jeff Bezos, and Malala Yousafzai, I figured they meant influential in a good way.
However, then I kept reading. I found the list also contained, Richard Sherman, Kim Jung Un, and Miley Cyrus. The cover that up until very recent years was made of a lot of very tiny photos with a huge 100 in the middle. Recently, that changed last year it had Jay-Z on the cover, so it’s no surprise that this year his wife is now on the cover. Yes, both of them make up covers that came in sets. The musical side, the serious side and so on.
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover indeed.
Time Magazine, no doubt is showing the change of the times. The outlook is bleak.
They put Kim Jung Un and even worst Miley Cyrus, in the same issue as people who have actually contributed to this world more than selling sex and depravity to the young generation, or a “worship me or die” mentality to the people.
Time, should call their list Top 100 Most Influential, as well as Trash Talking, Viral, Trashy People of the World.
Maybe that way, when they decide to put Pope Francis and Miley Cyrus in the same issue I won’t be surprised or even mildly insulted.
Sometimes, we go about our day, maybe we notice the leaves changing or the wind picking up speed. However, if you are like me, you don’t really expect to go noticed as you walk by on your day to day.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those sit in your room and cry types. I am perfectly comfortable with myself and I do realize, that I am not the type of person that gets noticed. I blend into the background of life as it were and I’m okay with that.
Today, as I walked to the laundry room, I took a moment to smell the air, to enjoy the fact that Spring, however windy is here. Since I was early I was not surprised to find the lady that takes care of the laundry room cleaning, and since she did not mind my presence I went on about putting my laundry to dry. She then comented in more length, that I looked smaller. So in her own way she seemed happy with my weight loss. Congratulated me on it, she said, “It shows, you loss weight, keep with your morning walks it’s doing you good”. She noticed I take walks in the morning. So much for blending into the fabric of daily life.
It’s been a while since I gotten a compliment from someone I don’t really know. It was unexpected and surprising. Most people compliment you because it’s the right thing to do, or because somehow, they have to to, or they do it simply out of pity. I am not one to give many compliments, but when I do compliment someone is heart felt and sincere.
I took the time to tell this lady, how much it meant to me that she took the time to say something nice. My exact words were, “Thank you, you have given me a very good reason to smile today. May your day be filled with as much joy as you brought into mine”.
Maybe, a bit too much, for most, but given the fact that I have been under the weather lately, and not exactly feeling pretty. She did honestly give me something to smile about. It’s the little things that can make a big difference.
So in closing, be grateful for the little things that make you smile. They are they to remind you that as bad as things can get, they will get better.
The last few days are all a haze to me. On the 20th I vomited and since then it all has been but a haze to me. I don’t remember many times where I been as sick as I was the last few days. I’m generally very healthy, so this flu both surprised me and kicked my butt.
I’ve tried to stay active, and joyful, I been waiting for this flu to finally be over and I still have an annoying tickle in my throat. Hopefully it will be gone by next week.
Advice my friends, get your flu shot. Personally I wish I had gotten mine, but you know I’m afraid of needles, so I passed on it. Now that I think of it though, even if it would have hurt, it would have been over in a few seconds. So next year, it’s a flu shot for me.
I honestly don’t ever want to feel as sick and I have these last few days. It is not something I wish on anyone. I’ve had colds before, but the flu I think I only remember having it twice ever before. It’s horrible.
To the positive thought of the day. I am happy. The holidays came and went peacefully, can’t wait for normal days to be here again. The final thought of this year, be kind to one another. Be positive. Above all smile!
As I sat tonight catching up with my past posts that I had yet to publish I noticed there was at least two, that stayed drafts for a reason. They were sad. I really don’t remember why, I was so down. Which in a way is a good thing, I suppose.
Strange, how sad moments work. Right as they happen it seems the end of the world, now looking back at it. I realize, that sad moments are small compared to how enormous they weight on the soul when they happen.
Today, I have many reasons to smile. One of them is my cat. Yes, call me crazy cat lady all you like, but my cat Nolan is too cute for words. When I’m upset he acts more adorable than usual. It’s difficult not to smile at such cuteness.
Life is not perfect and sometimes we do things we regret sooner or later. Sometimes life surprises you, and shows you the beauty of being upbeat. Not all is life through rose colored glasses of course. Some things happen and they slap you in the face with the force of a mighty army; when that happens you just have to shake it off, and hope you become a better person than you were.
I am not perfect far from it. No one is perfect, regardless of how flawless they may seem on the outside. Some err because of pain, panic, or desperation. Others because of blind fate. Who knows, either way, may we be better people in the end and try to focus on the good moments of the past and the present, and hope for more in the future.
A wise woman very dear to my heart once told me. “It takes 21 days to correct a bad habit”. I always had that in mind, however, I never put it to practice, well okay, I did try but always failed after week one. Recently, on the 25th of last month I woke up thinking “I’m going to clean my house”. Clean it I did. I actually super cleaned it. It still remains as clean as it looked that day. So I am starting to believe her wise words. Now, I can’t go to bed without making sure my dishes are done and everything is picked up.
Which came in handy recently. I had to have maintenance over to attend to an emergency. I was glad all was it’s it’s proper place, and it made handling the emergency that much easier.
I am just on day 8. I will keep you posted on the progress if I make any. Until then I love how everything looks. You might say I have reasons to smile and all that. For some reason the 25th of last month was special, I spend all day cleaning lost in my thoughts, and made progress.
It’s strange, but I am also beginning to believe my mother’s wise words. She always said to me when I was having a bad day. “Smile, it is far easier to deal with life, it is far easier than punching a bag, and it makes you look better”. A week ago I smiled, and things seem to be becoming brighter.
So smile, life has a way to reward a cheerful face!
Before we get all religious on the subject. Let me explain, I’m not the most religious person in the world, probably the least religious one you will know. However, I don’t go out of my way to hurt someone, or be evil. That said, I try to be a good human being. Whether or not I succeed is another matter entirely. That said, a few days ago I had a dream which I remember vividly but only the last part of it. I guess it was the most important part anyway.
I was in this patio of yellow tile all over the floor and walls. There was plants in pots all around. A man caught my attention. This man was very old, blue eyes silver hair. He shook my hand and said,
“I have a letter for you dear”.
To which I replied in a very Vernon Dursley way,
“Who’d be writing to me? In case you have not noticed, It’s been a month since I got anything resembling communication”.
He smiled, and was surrounded by this bright light, and I was lost in his eyes. I never seen kinder eyes in my life. He handed me the letter, it was in very old paper looked like parchment, gorgeous handwriting, and before I turned to read it, he said to me.
“He misses you, you know”.
Again, I turned and calmly said,
“Trust me no one misses me. If I did a Houdini tomorrow, it would be a long while for anyone to even notice I was no longer around.”
He smiled grabbed my hand and said, “He misses you, you silly girl, God misses you”.
I replied calmly,
“That makes two of us, I been wondering where’s He’s been all this time. So what, now I’m suppose to go to church or something? Besides, He knows where to find me, he sees all right? It’s not like I”m invisible here. I do pray you know”.
“It’s not like that at all, why don’t you read the letter huh?” He said.
So I turned to read it and it said “Dear CC Girl”. I could not read the rest, because at this moment I had the odd feeling that the man I was just talking to was God, I turn around and think to myself, “Very funny”. He looked at me winked, smiled and the next thing I know I was surrounded by white roses blooming before my eyes and floating all around me. I woke up.
I woke up, with that bit of my dream still fresh in my thoughts. I would have not written about it. Except I had the same dream for 3 nights now. The scenery is always the same. I never get to read the letter, there are things that change, but it ends the same way. Same old man. Two nights ago, besides insisting I was missed, he said, my favorite thing about you is you know people.”
Of course I wake up always the same way. Part of me thinking if I know people so well, why am I the one that gets, fooled? Answer, I allow myself to get fooled.
To clarify I’m not suicidal, never been, never will be. Life as good or bad as it can get is a gift. Enjoy it. Remember this, no one in this world can make you happy. Only you can make you happy. All others can only add to your happiness. That my friends I consider the secret of life.
Ever been on the phone with someone and you get put on hold? Then it’s endless minutes of elevator music or just dead air. Well that happened to me almost a week ago, mom was walking around the house, and doing a lot of things at once. She thought she had placed me on hold, but missed the button by a mile. It was then that I heard something extremely hurtful. Not that I have not heard my sister put her foot in her mouth before, but this time, it really hurt.
She said the most awful things about me, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware I am not the most stellar individual, however, I am not overall a rotten apple to the core. Well, she also expressed similar thoughts about mother as I later found out.
So you see when it rains, it really pours, today for instance I found out I was added to the restricted section of Facebook. You know that amazing little bit of technology that allows you to have friends on Facebook, yet they can only read what you made specifically public. Ah yes, I am on that list. Here I am, just in a small way wondering why. I mean, I did express my opinion and while it was not a good opinion, it landed me in the penalty box so to speak. The weird thing is, I thought all was well and all the bridges mended and apologies accepted and what not. So if that is, then what was this for? Don’t worry I don’t need an answer to that one. I kindda gotten used to things like that, they have happened 3 times before. First with Jane Doe, then someone named Sarah, long story short. Like immunity. The first time you get a cold, you hurt everywhere and feel like you got run over, the second time slightly less so, by the 3rd time you pretty much only notice the runny nose.
That is the life of me, people can treat me like I’m the bad guy, and want to make me pay for it, but when they fail, I don’t even ask the basic question of “Why?”. In my sister’s case, we are related and eventually will have to see each other again and act as civil as possible, in other people’s case, I really don’t know. I am a fan of finding answers, but in the most latest case of having things turned upside down when I thought all was well, AGAIN, I think I will let these questions go. I often said good friendships relationships are worth fighting for, but even the Titanic eventually sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
Until next time remember this: “You maybe one person, but for one person you can hold the world entire”
I have always known my mother is a very wise person. Yesterday, long after I gotten home from my walk, she IMs me to ask me, “Clao,clao CC, are you okay? Is something bugging you? You wanna talk about it?” Of course it shocked me a bit, she usually just calls and very subtle like works out my troubles. So I call her and asked why the message. She said, “Here I was, focusing on my day and the things I have to do, and you just kept popping up in my head so I figured something was not right, wanna talk about it”?
So of course, I told her about how a recent conversation went the good and the bad of the things that I said, and the not so joyful ones I learned, and was told. She sat there silent for a good ten minutes: Then she said, since it takes you a while to let it sink in, turn on your sound recorder and listen carefully to what I’m about to tell you:
“Just because you never have anything nice to say where a girl you don’t know is concerned, does not mean you are wrong. You have not been wrong yet, you know people far better than anyone I know.
Good qualities on people are like the words, “I love you”. Just because you know someone loves you loads, does not mean you don’t like to hear it sometimes.
So while you may see their bad side first, focus on their good side more, that is ultimately how you bring out the good in people.
Best friends forever child, are those that take what you say good or bad, and they accept it. They analyze it. They keep it in mind. They are then as happy with you as though you’ve given them the key’s to a Ferrari; because best friends forever love you for your vices as well as your virtues.
She is also not the fan of the expression “you have no right” according to her when you know someone for a long time, you tend to know them better than they are willing to admit, and because you know them perhaps better than you know yourself is not a matter of having the right to express good or bad feelings, however, you do have an implied freedom to say things as they come out and hope they took the best out of it. She of course, said that if I still was under 18, she would ground me for not focusing on the good side and leaving my personal opinions out of it as much as possible. Since she can’t, she figures that the inevitable silent treatment, I’m going to get, is deserved.
Moral of the story, get the full story before, you decide. If the full story is not possible, then danm it, get it out or hold your thoughts.
Just so you know, I do tend to express negativity when a girl is concerned. I have met ones with good qualities before, but I figured hey they know their good no need to point it out, guess I should start huh? Most definitively.