Before we get all religious on the subject. Let me explain, I’m not the most religious person in the world, probably the least religious one you will know. However, I don’t go out of my way to hurt someone, or be evil. That said, I try to be a good human being. Whether or not I succeed is another matter entirely. That said, a few days ago I had a dream which I remember vividly but only the last part of it. I guess it was the most important part anyway.
I was in this patio of yellow tile all over the floor and walls. There was plants in pots all around. A man caught my attention. This man was very old, blue eyes silver hair. He shook my hand and said,
“I have a letter for you dear”.
To which I replied in a very Vernon Dursley way,
“Who’d be writing to me? In case you have not noticed, It’s been a month since I got anything resembling communication”.
He smiled, and was surrounded by this bright light, and I was lost in his eyes. I never seen kinder eyes in my life. He handed me the letter, it was in very old paper looked like parchment, gorgeous handwriting, and before I turned to read it, he said to me.
“He misses you, you know”.
Again, I turned and calmly said,
“Trust me no one misses me. If I did a Houdini tomorrow, it would be a long while for anyone to even notice I was no longer around.”
He smiled grabbed my hand and said, “He misses you, you silly girl, God misses you”.
I replied calmly,
“That makes two of us, I been wondering where’s He’s been all this time. So what, now I’m suppose to go to church or something? Besides, He knows where to find me, he sees all right? It’s not like I”m invisible here. I do pray you know”.
“It’s not like that at all, why don’t you read the letter huh?” He said.
So I turned to read it and it said “Dear CC Girl”. I could not read the rest, because at this moment I had the odd feeling that the man I was just talking to was God, I turn around and think to myself, “Very funny”. He looked at me winked, smiled and the next thing I know I was surrounded by white roses blooming before my eyes and floating all around me. I woke up.
I woke up, with that bit of my dream still fresh in my thoughts. I would have not written about it. Except I had the same dream for 3 nights now. The scenery is always the same. I never get to read the letter, there are things that change, but it ends the same way. Same old man. Two nights ago, besides insisting I was missed, he said, my favorite thing about you is you know people.”
Of course I wake up always the same way. Part of me thinking if I know people so well, why am I the one that gets, fooled? Answer, I allow myself to get fooled.
To clarify I’m not suicidal, never been, never will be. Life as good or bad as it can get is a gift. Enjoy it. Remember this, no one in this world can make you happy. Only you can make you happy. All others can only add to your happiness. That my friends I consider the secret of life.
I was suppose to have visitors to my house today. Mom and other family members were to drop by so we could spend the day together, but somehow, it all fell through, and of course I was left waiting needlessly. My mother got so busy she forgot to call and cancel all plans. Totally not cool.
Maybe it’s Karma, but nothing seems to be going right these past two months. See told you I’m not a nice person. Oh well as they say, “this too shall pass”. As usual mom read my past entry and spend a good part of the late afternoon reminding me I have more friends.
So let me clarify. I have one Ultimate friend, you know the one person I would trust with my deepest darkest secrets and such. Then I have Old Friends, those that if they call you ten years later is like time has not passed. Then there is the regular friends, of those I have quite a few, in fact, about five. Then there is people I just know. I had to explain that to mom, she think anyone that you known for a long time is a friend all others just people you know. My sophisticated categorizing was too much for her.
So with that being said, the visit of today went south quick. I’m not exactly sad about it, as I am not quite comfortable entertaining guests. I can deal with one person two max at a time but the four or five would drown me if the expression fits.
On the update for today, even though I’m not exactly one with nature, I’ve gone out again, it’s becoming quite a habit, I almost memorized the layout of my complex go me.
To answer the random question of my past entry, I should say if I could see anything of space the sky and such, it would have to be the Northern Lights, or a similar thing over Alaska, that would be marvelous.
Now for the random question of today:
What is your ultimately favorite smell?
Oh I also came up with a new thing of the day. The phrase of the day. Did you know that everyday you hear something that makes an impact, makes you laugh or you just tend to remember said thing longer? Well, in this case the phrase of the day or rather quote of the day comes from me.
“Without further ado”
I guess I should explain huh? Well you see, today I made someone laugh, when I said it, it was during a phone call. I know the phrase was not invented my moi, but it’s something I said, it made someone’s day.
Remember no matter how dark your days, the sun is bound to rise again someday, so keep your head up and smile.
Last night I had one of those dreams, the kind you remember for a long, long time. I was at a park like place. There were swings in it but nothing else, benches and green grass as far as the eye could see, Many winding pathways, it was gorgeous. I was there sitting on the swings, and suddenly my friend Martin walked up and sat on the swing set next to me. He was thin and older looking, still wearing that smile that made anyone’s day a bit brighter.
He looked at me and said, “Hey stranger, you look like you could use a friend”. I looked at him and replied, “That obvious? There is no one around though, I thought they all would come”. He smiled and said, “Oh sweetie, I told him not to come, I figured you need a one on one”. “Very funny, Martin”. I replied. He said, “I try to be”. After a while of silence and looking at the ground, I looked up and asked. “Martin, why did you go?” “It was my time”. He said.
We both walked for a while talking about something, but he was comforting, I could not hear what it was but it felt comforting. The last thing, I heard him say was, “Keep your head up, smile, and remember I’m always around”
He walked away and I woke up. It’s a superb dream. I woke up really happy. I wanted, to dance. I see my friends in my dreams almost always but this one was just him.
I’ve many dreams I will remember always this one is one of them. I like to think that he is watching over me, every now and again at least.
Maybe it’s because I’m a creature of habit, and I’m very sensitive to when things change, and things must always change. Only a few days ago. I received a really happy offline, that promised a possible chat would be in my future. Well ever since then it’s been strange. The little interaction seems to be terse and to the point felt almost like an obligation. So… unlike the usual. I guess is just one of those days.
I had one of those days yesterday. It rained like never before with thunder and lighting. If you don’t know by now I’m deadly afraid of thunder and lighting, yet I love rain what a contradiction. So I had to put up that for about 30 minutes, it’s not an exaggeration by any means, it was so bad that car alarms went off every time.
On top of that mom was having issues with something, and I found out another tech issue had taken place with a site, I was to build the stress level was not helping. I’ve had dreams which actually reflect all that stress and just general bad vibe around me lately. One had Hitler in it and the other had rain clouds, and the latest had the Titanic in it. Go figure.
So I guess what just took place this morning should have been no surprise. I know Yahoo has connection issues from time to time, and still I cannot shake the fact that maybe, just maybe, if Yahoo Messenger was a phone, I get the feeling I got hang up on. Then I think, what could be so bad as to deserve hanging up on someone or in my case people logging off mid conversation? Your guess is as good as mine. So much for really wanting to chat huh? Okay so it was not mid conversation in fact, it was not much of a conversation just a bunch of, “yes, ok”. Then “Yahoo User is Now Offline”.
When I log off on people it’s usually because of a bad day. I hoping the day gets better until then. This girl is going to get some rest and not obsess over things I cannot change, deal with things that do and enjoy all in between.
I don’t even know how to begin this, but the last four days have been wonderful. Ever have those mornings where you have a dream that is gibberish, but the more you think of it, it resembles other less confusing ones. I woke up that way four days ago. Feeling like I wanted to scream and cry, but also like I was on the verge of of the greatest joy ever.
Then, it happened it finally dawned on me why I was so happy, and it only took three little words.
So if you are wondering where I been the past four days, or so, I been in Happyland. Do not worry I’m not on drugs or anything of the similar. I’m just really happy. All this joy had me thinking of something just now. You never really know how happy you are unless you’ve cried, well considering I’ve done plenty of that in my lifetime; I can tell you all the tears are worth, moments like these.
My parents always told me things happen for a very good reason. Now I know the reason, is to make you stronger, and appreciative of the little moments and the people that make up your life. So to all the people in my life yesterday, today and tomorrow. You all mean more to me than I can put into words. Whether you know it or not, your presence adds light, joy and wonder in my life.
I woke up this morning having had probably the shortest dream I can remember. It was simply an image one of those times in my life I wish I could draw. It was beautiful peaceful and all around poetic.
I did my best to capture it here. Oh yes, when one can’t draw there is always Photoshop. Technology rules! What does it mean? I’m not sure, I will research that, though.
That was it more or less. I don’t dream beauty much these days, so I thought it would be one worth remembering. I will keep you post it if I ever find out what it means. Yes, in my dream the moon did have the chess pieces, I wonder if I should start learning to play chess :), nah, not seriously anyway, since most chess players become quite rude, that is I have not met any that are all joy. Wish me luck,
Things rarely make me happy but in the past day or so, I been pretty up beat, could it be a good sign of greater things to come? I do hope so!
Cheers world, remember smile, sometimes it’s difficult, but joy is infectious, and can make you happy as well as others very happy.
This past seven days or so have been filled with activity, quite frankly I’m exhausted. Yet Nolan my cat has been successful in waking me up at all hours.
Of all that has taken place in the past seven days or so, I’d say my trip to Idyllwild California was absolutely the best. Up on til this past weekend I was not aware there was such beauty so close to here. We drove up to the mountain side, and saw lots and lots of trees and it was just wonderful. We had some pizza fresh made, and while we ate we got a good view of what can only describe as nature’s best views. It was almost as close to a Thomas Kinkade as I’ve been able to get in these couple of years. On our way back we stopped at a placed called Vista Point which is just a small parking lot over looking the mountains, absolutely gorgeous. I made a wish there and I hope that when it comes true I will be back there. I had a moment of reflection there and of course it also reminded me of a place often described to me as a place to take a break before the end of the work day.
No doubt this weekend has reminded me of the old days. So much so, that in the last seven days I visited Martin’s grave, and I just could not believe, he had no flowers in it; not only that but the space reserved for flower placement was over grown with grass and looked as though no one had placed flowers in it in years. My heart sank you see it was not too long ago it was his birthday. I guess people do forget about each other. It’s been 14 years and I still think about him from time to time. I just got to thinking the way I see his face anymore is by visiting his grave, ah the wonders of technology, how far we come that now can engrave photos on tombstones.
This week has had many elements of busy, so much so I decided to make a list of things to get done before July. Here is hoping it all goes well and who knows, I might have more to report in the months to come.
Since, I have had limited uninterrupted sleep, I guess all I can report, where dreams are concerned is a dream I had this week. In my dream I was playing Keno, I’ve heard the name before and if memory fails me not, I think it’s a game similar to Bingo. Anyway, I’ve won at Keno. Then when it was time to claim my price, I had to present I.D. I had like four of them a mix of guys and girls. I was confused and the first thing I thought is mail them to the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles). So I was then in an office which looked like a post office sorting place, and I was looking for a mail man. I found him, this person had a gold heart locket type thing pinned to the shirt, it was pretty looking and out of place, don’t know why I think of it, or why it caught my attention, however, I do believe, it had letters on it, I don’t know what they were. For some reason I was not happy, I just remember saying, “Postman… Figures!” Then, I was in a room and waiting for someone or something. I woke up after that. Not much of a shocker dream, but it was a good one, I do not wish to win at Keno, but it’s nice to know in my dreams I can. 😀
Yesterday for about ten minutes or so I was suddenly inundated by this amazing smell of roses. Ah something tells me somewhere out there magical things where happening. My mom used to say, when I was little that getting what I now know as a phantom smell of something yummy was because there was an angel in the room. There is no disputing her claims after all Nolan my cat spent about the same amount of time staring at the wall at nothing at all. On my end, I smiled and hoped my first explanation was right that wonderful, magical things were happening.
It can always mean something good for me as well, I can dream can’t I?
I been thinking a bit about rainbows too. I’ve seen my fare share of rainbows in my life. All very short and barely visible. I used to see them in my dreams too, anytime I would dream of a rain storm, I would always find the rainbow there somewhere.
I’ve actually seen one in real life though, it was a weekend I think, since it was early in the morning and I went out determined to send out a letter. It was a rainy day. As we were approaching destination. I saw the biggest most perfect rainbow I’ve had ever seen before or since. It started at one end of the building I was heading too and ended at the other end of the building. I had no idea what other than an optical illusion those rainbows were. I was just really happy to see it. Now after some searching and reading, it seems the rainbows used to be seen as stairways to heaven. Cool huh?
I don’t know why that rainbow came to mind today, I guess is because as time goes by, rainbows represent hope to me. Hope they say, is the last thing we should lose. I kind of disagree, because that would mean a lot of people have nothing to lose anymore, after they become hopeless. Nah, I think Mike (King of Pop) had it best figured out. The last thing anyone should lose is Faith.
So to sum it up, there is two things no person can ever lose, Faith and Dreams, if you have those hope always returns and with it the smiles, the laughs. With faith, hopes, and dreams you stop existing and start truly living.