I was asked just two days ago, what inspires me to write. To be honest, it caught me off guard as I never seen myself as a writer. I didn’t even consider what I do as writing. A successful writer, should make an impact on the reader. So far the only thing I managed to impact are my keyboard keys. I doubt, I brought something of meaning or significance to anyone. So after letting the thought permeate in my brain cells I answered, “my broken heart”.
Those three words were meant to convey that I’m inspired by my pain, my tears and my sorrow. I am inspired by the things I see, and how they affect me. Usually my problem is not writer’s block, my issue is having way too much to say and not being able to put it in order so that I can say it. My brain is a mess of thoughts, that when I need them, they just come out sometimes in floods and others in witty precises punches. The latter not so much so.
I am rarely inspired by joy and those moments have been few and sadly very far between. It’s probably why when I am happy, I enjoy the moment which flees almost as soon as it arrives.
I was asked too, “Have I ever broken your heart?” Of that question I thought about for a second as I ran a film reel of things I could remember in my head, then I generalized it to everyone who has caused a form of heartbreak or another. I was able to separate it by unintentional heartbreak and intentional hurt. The latter has been more so. Be it pretending to be someone else, so I can be told all those things that swim in the minds of those who say them or being looked in the eye, when I am told things I don’t wish on anyone. Unintentionally yes, I replied. While it still does not make it much better, I think it’s best to be on the unintentional category. For then the goal was not to break the soul, the goal was well intended, to grown me in reality or lend hope.
Sometimes I do wonder, what if I had done the right thing? Said the right thing? Been the right someone? What if I could hold on to those moments of perfection that make others happy and maybe thankful to be around? Then I let those thoughts go as fast as they came. The way I see it, the people who truly matter, the people who truly want to be around you will understand that sometimes even if more often than not. You need to be sad, you need to cry before you can be truly happy. The sun comes out for everyone at one point or another. Here is hoping that when it comes out for me those that I care about will be around to join me in the joy. For it’s easy being around happy people, it’s far more difficult to pick up a friend when he or she falls.