Monthly Archives: October 2012
One of the few things I started to follow very closely was baseball, I’ve always watched baseball since the days of Mariano Rivera, the former closer for the New York Yankees. Needless to say it’s been quite a while since I was a Yankees fan. I’m not a fair weather fan either, so my falling out of love with that team has nothing to do on how dismal their efforts to be part of the World Series have been in recent years. No, I gotta say the reason I’m not a die hard Yankee fan is because unlike most people, I could look past the pin stripes and see that they are just a money machine that buys up the best talent in baseball to insure a legacy. So you see, it was no longer for the sake of America’s pass time, but more like a business to them.
A few years back before Buster and Lincecum, or even the talents of today like Pence and Romo, I became a San Francisco Giants fan and even weathered them during the disgraceful actions of Barry Bonds. They proved me right in no time, they bounced back in true baseball style. Not by buying up the best of the best but just believing in the up and coming talents out there. It all came to me, when I saw them lose spectacularly to another team 11-0. They were playing for the sake of baseball, for the sake of fun. I was sold.
Soon there after, they played wonderfully during the season, and made it to the post season with great numbers, and a lot of unknown faces. Soon they won a spot on the World Series, and they took it as far as it would go. They won the first title as The San Francisco Giants back in 2010. I could not believe my eyes, my team had come a long way and finally got that much deserved honor. Two years later, Buster, Cain and some new faces made their mark on the team, all for one and one for all in an extra innings game that was quite a nail biter. It was the best World Series I’ve seen to date. Beating unarguably the best batter and the best pitcher in baseball. The Triple Crown winner, Cabrera and to date the best pitcher in the MLB Justin Verlander fell spectacularly to the Giants in a four game sweep. Congrats to the San Francisco Giants, may they always play for the love of the game, and continue to prove that in their Mudville Mighty Casey has yet to strike out.
While I write to you when I’m down and defeated. Today I actually sent a message to the world like message in a bottle of sorts. I had no control over who would receive it, I got a response. A person from England responded, I suppose this person was burning the midnight oil or something, but it felt good to talk to a random face in the crowd, someone that was up at midnight lending me a sympathetic ear. I was told that sometimes it’s worth going through the mess to find the odd truffle. I found a truffles before, but I dropped them, what can I say I have butter fingers. Treasures like that are not easily found.
Anyway, this person I met today I know only is much older than me. Made me realize something, I cannot help anyone if I don’t help myself first. I intend to mend my soul. That much I am sure of. I have many things to look forward to in the near future, while the dreams I had as a child and a teen and even a twenty something will never come true. I can no longer dwell in what could have been but focus on what could be.
What could be is full of possibilities. I will give myself small steps. Today, I finally accepted, that there are things, behaviors, and life events in general that I cannot change. However, the mess in my kitchen is so fixable, I’m planing to clean it up soon. Wish me luck. I’m about to step in the right direction for once.
Yeah, the bit about the kitchen is no joke. I’m actually, planning to start making my surroundings beautiful. Fist step in making one self happy, make everything around you pleasant. So first stop is the kitchen. I will let you know of my progress and how it goes.
In the mean time, smile though your day is gray, because behind all that cloud mess, there is always the most kick ass sunshine. Chin up mates!
Pets are important, even though sometimes they can drive you mad with their antics. Nolan, my cat, for instance can be a total basket case of attention goodies. He scratches the door to wake me when I’m sleeping. Most recently he ran into the tub trying to land somewhere, but when I look at him he always has this adorable look in his face like he knows not what he does. I just melt like an ice cube on hot concrete. Yes, he has me wrapped around his little paw.
He stole my heart the moment my brother brought him to me on my birthday. He has been in my life everyday ever since. I have only one other cat Samantha, and I always thought she’d be the one more attached to me, I don’t know I figure females stick together, however, it was Nolan who slowly started sitting on my lap sleeping on my pillow and finally plopping at my feet. That last one is so adorable.
In the good times and the bad times, I know Nolan will be there. I know he is just a cat, but back a ways when I was sad, and cold, he made it his mission to sleep wrapped around my feet, and every time I’m sad, distracted, apathetic or even lonely he always finds a way to be adorable and down right funny.
The truth is the more I know people the more I love my cats. Specially Nolan. He might not be the brightest bulb in the lamp at times, but he has ways to remind me there is still good and wonderful things in this world, and he is one of them for sure.
It’s no doubt that compared to ten years ago, information and the speed at which we get it has come a long, long way. I know it sounds almost ancient to say but fifteen years ago I too was fifteen, and grew up without the extensive use of the computer or internet until I was well out of my teens. Today a headline caught my eye that made me think back on my high school years “Teen who had chronicled her bullying on Youtube commits suicide” it got me thinking of how in the world did I survive high school? I know some people say the hardships we endure at the hands of our peers are meant to built character.
My take on the whole thing is, there is no doubt for some and provably the vast majority school is a nightmare. For me, sometimes it was difficult to get up and find a reason to go, I was not exactly bullied, but I did have to endure the comments about my appearance and health issues, the many back handed remarks, and stuff of that nature. I had only one friend in high school for the first year, he died the following summer. I was lucky enough to make two more friends, with whom I still talk to from time to time. This girl in the article felt alone. I know what that feels like, I been where she was in a way.
Feeling completely alone is by far the worst feeling in the world and sadly is not one that you can ever become immune to. I am aware that words are powerful, that they can make or break deals, but I also know they can mend the broken hearts. Someone once asked, “If we are going to die anyway, what’s the point of it all?” I guess, in a way if you look at it that way, it does look grim does it not? Life is a gift, we are here to live it, experience it and above all respect it. Where we go from hear no one knows, but what matters is that we live a life worth remembering by the ones we leave behind.
While I read the article I kept thanking the very few yet true friends I was blessed with. I wonder in a greater scale if any bullies out there will ever know the severe consequences brought on by their lack of respect for their fellow classmates. Will they ever know they contributed in some way to the end of a a life? Or will they simply move on, and treat school and live in general as the survival of the fittest?
Evil never prospers, even though it might seem that way at times. Mom often told me, children are a direct reflection of their parents, so I can’t help but wonder if parents today are aware of how bad their kids make them look. Yes, it is a fast paced world and some parents today are too preoccupied to notice, the little details. Adults are the protectors of our youths, I think it’s about time for all of us to stand up and pay attention.
There is only so many times people can erase you from their life without even so much as a reason before you realize they are honestly and truthfully trying to get rid of you. Today again, that has happened to me, and I should have realized it before I sent a follow request. I could be driving myself crazy asking inside my head “what did I do wrong?” When in fact it’s apparent that I just get deleted and ignored at a whim with no rhyme or reason. Yes, there are people like that in this world, and I can’t please everyone. I can only hope that things turn out okay.
For those of you who have followed the roller coaster of this blog, do not worry, I’m doing just fine, for the first time in two years I don’t need to know why? I don’t need for things to make sense, nor do I need to wonder what I did wrong, because even if I did something unforgivable, I know I have been forgiving towards those who have crushed me.
There are certain relationship dynamics that I fought so hard to keep only to realize I was the only one taking the punches I’m the only one fighting to keep a house of cards from falling apart. Today I finally have let go of that deck of cards and let them fall where they may. I have no regrets nor resentments, in fact, I’m glad I got to meet and share two years of good and bad. This experience has taught me a lot. I’m still a fool, I will still smile, and I will cry, but I will be okay.
My social life has shrunk and probably will stay that way for a long time, but I’m okay. I’ve very good at being alone I take those times to see world around me and capture as many good memories as I can gather, for someday I will have show and tell and with all I seen I’m sure it will be an interesting ride through memory lane.
If ever I wronged someone, I sincerely apologize. I’ve only been in this world for 30 years, I’m bound to make mistakes, so if losing friendships along the way it’s my karmic retribution, then so be it. All wrongs come with a price, but I’m sure I will do better the next time around. Life is short. live and let die.