Just Cry…

Dear Reader,

Maybe it’s the girlie things, or the lack of sleep or a myriad of other things, but today I just feel like crying. I am not a person of many friends, thus in the myriad of things keeping me down is the feeling of how very much I miss my very best bud.

I been thinking a lot about things in my life.  I was asking myself. Do you have any regrets?  I thought about all my happy moments my sad moments and came to only one conclusion. At the time is easiest to blame someone else, to say, she done it or he done it; of course is a compliment when he or she was responsible for your smiles that light in your life, that thing that made even the ugliest day look beautiful. Insulting when he or she was responsible for your tears your sorrow and you dive into the deepest form of hell there is.  Of course! Then I thought of what Amado Nervo wrote in a poem titled “En Paz” “… I was the architect of my destiny…” So truth be told while in the recent history of my life I have only one major regret. It was no one’s fault but mine and mine alone.  Same goes for all the good and the bad in my life.  Sometimes I do wish that life was like Quantum Leap where someone leaps into your life and fixes your mistakes. Sadly though this is reality, I been living it, it’s both ugly and dark as well as beautiful. It can’t all be a Kinkade painting after all.

People don’t kill you with as little as four words, nor do they cut your wings and plant you like a Sequoya tree firmly on the ground, nor do they wake you up to reality like the Matrix, just for kicks. If you think about it, you are the architect of that too. Like Newton laws of motion say, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Opposite being the keyword here.

Life full of ifs, what if I had said this instead of that, what if I had gone here instead of there.  Like Robert Frost, you will always wonder about the road not taken.

I don’t want to end in such a solemn note. Come on CC girl, happy thoughts! *searches her brain cells for a happy thought* I got one “Response Program”. Of course you have no idea what that means, but it brought a smile to my face that is all that matters. Thank God for good memories, they make difficult days easier.

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About claoclao

I am another soul that came into this world alone and shall inevitably leave said world the same way. It is not the beginning or the end of my life that matters, only the middle.

Posted on June 17, 2012, in Journal and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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