Monthly Archives: May 2012

A time and a place…

Dear Reader,

For some reason over sometime, I’ve been reading on the news a lot of controversy about breastfeeding. I personally don’t have children, nor do I want any at this time.  However, I’m a bit puzzled over why there is such an uproar, about it.  Then as I read the latest on the issue I began to understand.

This time, the issue is two women in Air Force uniforms breastfeeding. Certainly the images don’t offend me, nor do they shock me, breast feeding is as natural as breathing; before there was bottles how do they suppose infants got fed? Granted, way back in the day a woman would breastfeed in the privacy of her home and would cover herself and the infant while doing so. So I guess the up roar of these campaigns, is more toward the photos that show parents breast feeding their young with nothing but the baby’s mouth to cover the breast and leaving nothing to the imagination. That certainly isn’t doing the campaign any favors.

Let’s also not forget that wearing a military uniform comes with it’s own set of rules, and just because there is nothing in them to directly address women and breastfeeding. Largely because women in the military were very few and far between until after 1943. It does not mean, that they should take the liberties to show their breast to the world with the excuse of feeding their child, we do have breast pumps you know? Come on people, while in uniform, you are not even allowed to carry an umbrella that isn’t black, should it not also be common sense that showing the world what’s under that shirt, should be a hell no? I would like to think that we have grown enough as a society to recognize common sense, why is it, then that we must push the envelope on everything just because it’s not written down in black and white.

I get it bottles have come along way since the early 1900’s and for some women have become all the rage for feeding their child from the moment they are born until much later in life. Yes, a lot of women have opted not to breastfeed, but that is their choice.  It’s not like any of these campaigns introduce a whole new idea, it’s been around since mother’s have been mothers. And yes, breastfeeding is a good source of nutrition and antibodies for the child, but lets face it, it is only so up until the child is around the age of two. Anything beyond it becomes as useless as having 1000 spoons when what you need is a fork.

Let’s remember that part of being parents is being responsible, and sensible. What will be next, in the battle of women’s tops, that it will be okay for teenage girls to show up to school wearing nothing but pasties?

I’m not saying don’t breastfeed, all I’m saying is there a time and a place.  Should the time present itself in the wrong place, invest some money on a breast pump and just like you wouldn’t leave your house without extra dippers, don’t leave your house with ready to go breast milk, if that’s a no, no, to you, then it’s clear you want to impose your practices on the world more for shock value than anything else.

Mighty words…

Dear Reader,

Did you ever find your self wondering if words are just words, that put together form a sentences, sentences become paragraphs and many, many of those form a book, be it a book of stories, or the pages of one’s life.  I know that with this over load of information micro blogging video blogging and many more things with just the right key strokes. Life and it’s moments have become blurs, as though we want to beat time in it’s passing and leave it behind for once.

Life is happening so fast, that most of us, fail to notice the little things, those moments put before us, that are amazingly wonderful because they are simple yet full of so much to appreciate.  Thank you Lady Gaga, and the many others before you, it is people like her that have made our attention span tune out anything unless is shocking to the core.

Never fail to notice the difference a word makes. A simple acknowledgement, can make the difference between a really bad day and one with a glimmer of hope a silver lining. Words are powerful things, they can make the difference, between going to war, or reaching a consensus that can benefit both parties. Words can break hearts, mend souls, or make heaven a place on earth.  It is up to us.

Let’s walk at the pace of a turtle once in a while, stop to smell the roses of May. Write a message, a random message, fill it with hope and dreams and wonderful things. Send it to someone you barely know, open the door for a far greater adventure, and truly use words for good, for better, and rebuilt the bridges burned.

Blair Witched…

Dear Reader,

Back in the early 2000’s I like a lot of people watched The Blair Witch Project.  This is before I read the credits and knew what a fictional documentary was.  So like most everyone, I thought it was real, thus the scared effect was on.  It was not long after I realized what I was watching was actually a movie done in documentary style. Fool me once they say.

Well last night I caught the tale end of a program in Animal Planet HD which was listed as a documentary.  So I watched it: “Mermaids: The Body Found“, it was not until I saw Rebecca. I realized I was not watching a documentary but a made for TV movie.  I’ve seen enough Forensic Files and similar shows to spot the actress. Then there was the whole raw footage caught in a camera phone in the late nineties. Video capture phones were not introduce to market until after 2003 or so. Although, the camera phones were all the rage in Europe by then, the kid was just holding the wrong phone model. Anyway, something was rotten in the state of Denmark for sure.

I thought the story was good, you know I’m interested in mythical creatures, marine life and of course! The stars!… I have never seen the night sky behind a telescope, but it’s one of those things, I hope to do before I’m too old.  I go out side every night and watch the night sky in all of it’s glory. For that moment I feel I can travel across oceans and see the world with a bird’s eye view.

There are so many miles upon miles of ocean we have yet to uncover, that, we may never know if such a creature existed, however, the tales of half humans and half fish have existed in all cultures, and all that varies is the lack or excess of beauty on them.

So if only for a few seconds, I was Blair Witched, but only for a few moments. What has the entertainment world come to if not even Animal Planet can be trusted, to call a movie a movie. or Fictional Documentary.   Had I known, I would have enjoyed it for what it was a movie with some really cool CGI effects for a made for TV movie.

 

One More Chance…

Dear Reader

Yesterday I had something happen which was quite exciting for the first few minutes when it happened, and afterward, I was swallowed up by the deepest sadness, I’ve felt so far this year.  My first thought after all the dust settled was, I have no one to tell this little adventure to.  It was one of those kitchen accidents which would had made me laugh, if my friend could share it with me. Then I realized aside from my fiancee I can only share such an occurrence with my cat, and the thought made me laugh, but at the same time it gave me a knot on the throat.

I”m not that good at being social. It has also taken me these two weeks to realize making friends, truly connecting  with someone, is far more difficult than finding the cure to the common cold.   Yesterday, I understood that song titled “One More Chance” there is part of it that says, “hurts so bad sometimes it’s hard to breath”;  funny I made that video, and thought it’s for the love brokenhearted.  Yet the words about pain also apply to anyone we cared about that is no longer in our lives.

A wise person once told me, there is no pain that last 100 years nor is there a body that can stand it. I want to believe that, I guess today is just one of those days, where like a Jenga puzzle I fall to pieces.  I can’t help it, it happens.

Last night I had a very unique dream. I saw a woman, in my dreams, about as old as my mother. Her face has been hunting me all morning. Not that is was an evil face, far from it warm reassuring and full of home feeling.  I don’t quite remember where I saw her in my dream.  She was reading me the cards, she said, “the person you can’t stop thinking about can’t stop thinking about you either. Is a friend yes? He misses you too, and when all the dust settles in his life he will come back never to leave again”.   She said a lot of other things, but I can’t remember them,  It was all a jumble of things.

If there was a time, to wish dreams came true I most definitively pick that one. Of all the dreams I’ve had that one is on my top 3.  If only dreams did come true.

Friends…

Dear Reader,

I just saw a commercial that reminded me of the people that have made a positive difference in my life.  One of them of course is my dearest friend Martin.  He and I used to chat on the phone at least once a week. He always tried to scare me, in a fun way.  The day I was suppose to talk to him, my mother gave me the grave news. The phone call would never come again.  In the short while that I knew him, he was absolutely the best friend anyone can have, he always knew when I was sad, and somehow always made me smile. Sometimes when I am sad, I can always hear him say, “Smile girlie, is so much easier than crying”.

Another person that made a difference in my life I met in this September almost two years ago.  I would wake up everyday, with a smile on my face, and like Martin, this person also knew when I was sad, and made me smile quite a bit.  Today I was thinking if I could take a day in my life back, I would take back the day that wonderful friend of mine walked out of my life.  I always say things happen for a reason, that is what keeps me going and keeps alive the faith and hope that has always been a part of my life.

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t have a string of 15-19 friends hanging around for the good, the bad and the lets not go there.  I don’t have the social graces of a high school cheerleader, and had never had that many friends. As much as some people would like to disagree, friends for me have been very few and far between.  I know people by name and face some were classmates others friends of the family, but friends, the kind that are for better or worse, sad to say only two.

While the call will never come and that email packed with loads of smiles will never grace my inbox, I think fondly of them everyday and wish them the best.

On the non human side, I do have two wonderful friends, whom I wouldn’t change for anything. Samantha (Sammie) and Nolan both my cats they are one year old and I’ve had them since they were about two weeks old. They have made me a really happy person.  Nolan seems to understand when I’m sad (he tends to try to cheer me up by acting extra adorable). Sammy has her ways too, lately she has taken a permanent spot to on the left side of my desk, and naps there looking ever so beautiful, she has let me pet her a lot more than usual. Which is great!

So while in days like today, I may think about those friends that made me smile and see life in high def, and probably feel that smile fade away; wishing things could be different, I will try to focus on those tiny moments in the day that are a gift from God and like friendships long gone leave a lasting impression.

On the bus…

Dear Reader,

Times like yesterday make me wonder why I never learned to drive.  I tried learning at 16 (my daddy’s proudest moment). Now that I think about it considering that I put the car in reverse without holding the break and it going very fast on reverse was probably plenty a red face moment for him too. Needless to say, I gave up trying after that scare. Tried again at 18, 21, 23. No dice, I can remember details upon details. I’m pretty smart and a fast learner too, but when it comes to driving, one thing is knowing the book like the back of my hand and another very different one, is actually putting all that into action. To me a car has a mind of it’s own. So here is to hoping next time I sit at the driver seat I succeed.

The bus ride yesterday was refreshing and surprisingly peaceful.  The hellish weather didn’t bother me, after all we do have the best public transport this side of the U.S. it’s quite a treat.  I got to see many buildings and it was like seeing a child hood pass by.  I remember those building from being in the back seat as  my dad was driven to work. Now here I was an adult, and the buildings still there, giving you a very early nineties feel.

I got to see many different people in the bus, and I wondered where they were headed, where they came from.  I thought about many things. Specially where I am headed in my life.   All I can say is yesterday was the first solid step in the right direction, and while sometime I may take up learning to drive again, I will take the bus from time to time for days like yesterday.

Rainbows and Dreams…

Dear Reader,

Yesterday for about ten minutes or so I was suddenly inundated by this amazing smell of roses. Ah something tells me somewhere out there magical things where happening.  My mom used to say, when I was little that getting what I now know as a phantom smell of something yummy was because there was an angel in the room.  There is no disputing her claims after all Nolan my cat spent about the same amount of time staring at the wall at nothing at all.  On my end, I smiled and hoped my first explanation was right that wonderful, magical things were happening.

It can always mean something good for me as well, I can dream can’t I?

I been thinking a bit about rainbows too.  I’ve seen my fare share of rainbows in my life.  All very short and barely visible.   I used to see them in my dreams too, anytime I would dream of a rain storm, I would always find the rainbow there somewhere.

I’ve actually seen one in real life though, it was a weekend I think, since it was early in the morning and I went out determined to send out a letter.  It was a rainy day.  As we were approaching destination. I saw the biggest most perfect rainbow I’ve had ever seen before or since. It started at one end of the building I was heading too and ended at the other end of the building.  I had no idea what other than an optical illusion those rainbows were.  I was just really happy to see it. Now after some searching and reading, it seems the rainbows used to be seen as stairways to heaven. Cool huh?

I don’t know why that rainbow came to mind today, I guess is because as time goes by, rainbows represent hope to me.  Hope they say, is the last thing we should lose. I kind of disagree, because that would mean a lot of people have nothing to lose anymore, after they become hopeless. Nah, I think Mike (King of Pop) had it best figured out. The last thing anyone should lose is Faith.

So to sum it up, there is two things no person can ever lose, Faith and Dreams, if you have those hope always returns and with it the smiles, the laughs.  With faith, hopes, and dreams you stop existing and start truly living.

Grudges…

Dear Reader…

I am not one to hold a grudge not for long anyway, because it’s both not healthy and pardon the pun a royal waste of time; however, sometime ago maybe a year or so I met a person hell bent on achieving a goal set long before I ever crossed paths, and in very recent weeks this person tested my resolve.

Over a quite long period of time, I got a first class ticket in the roller coaster of hell, so as any normal human with a back bone, I was or so I thought hell bent on revenge, but something about it made drag my feet and take my time, maybe that should have been my first clue it’s not for me to pass judgment. Lesson learned.

The dreaded day came and after a few expletives the final coup de gras was delivered and I was not on the delivery end I’m sad to say, but on the receiving end, and not because I was the weakest link, but by choice. Let me explain, the way I figured, I’ve never met in my life a person with more determination, so I could go about it two ways, I could keep fighting for probably the rest of my life, and have moments of misery in the process or I can just get out of the way, and move on. Granted there are more graceful ways to get out of the way, but a friendships like the one I lost, don’t sit idle by and let the villain win.

So the decision a most difficult one I assure you was made. I set out to destroy my own image, leave nothing of the person that I am and if you will turn myself into the villain of the story.  It worked, the villain became he good guy and vice-versa, I could now move on with what little dignity, self respect I had left.

Oh how saintly of me you must be thinking. I did it not out of martyrdom or sacrifice for the greater good, oh no, I can be selfish too. So I guess it was driven by a bit of selfishness on my part, I did not want to be consumed by this person’s hate, and I certainly didn’t look forward to having this person be my shadow for the rest of my life. Hate is viral, and infectious and destructive, I didn’t want to become part of who I am, I’m not that stubborn.

So do I hold a grudge? Certainly not, the reason is quite simple, any relationship no matter the dynamic, whether it be friendship/love or DNA cannot be founded on, the pain and suffering of others, it simply does not survive. This person as I predicted contacted me about a 3 days ago, why is anyone’s guess, my evil side would say to “rub my face in it” however my good side wants to believe, it was simply to thank me.

  • May 16 4:03 PM
    Person X:Things got kind of messed up but Xxx did say you helped him out and he’s agreed to meet. So thanks. I promised not to use this account anymore so you won’t be hearing from me again, your probably pleased I imagine. I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.
  • May 16 4:07 PM
    Me:You are welcome. Now please go away.

I’m not going to lie, part of me wanted to go on and say more than that, explain that I hope this second chance if you will is not wasted. Yes, part of me also thinks that even if I had revealed my plan and reasons for it, no one need ever know.  That is not because I fail to see the apparent good side, but because once just this month I gave a choice, “you can either come clean fully and honestly or you can roll me under the bus”. Needless to say, I was rolled and re rolled under a double decker. In the end I know I will be okay, yes I lost the best friend I will probably ever have, and our friendship was probably worth going to hell and back for, however, forgive me if this time is me who throws in the towel.

Do I believe, that I won’t be hearing from this person again? Maybe I won’t but the next person who ends up where I used to be if things don’t work out certainly will.  Here is hoping that their first meet today on this 19th day was worth the paramount loss on my part.

Then there was God…

Dear Reader,

I seldom touch on the subject of beliefs or politics with anyone because they are usually followed by a long discussion on how my political views need work or the ever popular “you need to find Jesus”, on the latter any closer to finding him and I would be dead. Of course, some over religious people would love to disagree.

On the subject of God, I believe  He exist and I find that an undeniable fact, specially in those moments when I fall apart, and I feel like train just hit me at max speed.  I had one of those moments recently, and I did have some choice words for Him.  Then again who doesn’t.

Life is difficult, hell if it was a cake walk we would die of boredom, I sometimes wonder what He thinks of me… before you all start thinking I need to read the bible you can forget it, that book has more contradictions than a politician. Plus is hardly in plain, no room for error English, so I take Shakespeare anytime.

As you guessed I have no religious affiliations, I just believe God exist and that sooner or later we all come back a bit wiser for the wear, and not that it would be a shock to any of you, but I don’t believe there is a Heaven or Hell, not in the biblical sense anyway, I believe we ARE in hell. We are working our way to either a blessed and happy life the next time around or just another try at it.  Where else would you see, pain, suffering injustice, famine, selfishness and just general ugly. That would perfectly explain why sometimes people can destroy each other enough to make the other contemplate checking out early.

God in my eyes, does not know everything, he knows our hearts our thoughts, our wishes, our intentions and our hopes that what we say can be received well. He does not know the future though.  Think about it, if he knew how vile, toxic, and evil some people were going to turn out to be I  doubt He would wish them upon anyone.  My guess is, He creates all of us with the highest hopes of all of us turning out great, as any parent would hope upon their kids. Of course after the age of innocence is over it is then He realizes the demon He unleashed upon this world, so all He can do is help those in the path dust it off and continue on.

It might just be nonsense but it sure explains Hitler and Osama, and other equally minded humans.

Does God like me? Hell yeah! I hardly think of Him as an entity that wants the world on their knees praying and for a lack of a better expression kissing His ass. So no, I don’t pray, I simply talk to him like I would talk to you. Only he knows why things work out the way they do in my life, and sometimes I wish He would let me in on it, or throw me a bone and make things go my way for once, but once it’s all set in done, all I can do is keep the good memories, the laughs, the best days of my life put them in the proverbial suit case that is my life and continue on in my path hoping someday that fork on the road I just passed where he went left and I went right, will become one, and we will walk side by side with our respective someones, laughing at the past times, mending the broken bridges and making new memories.

A Moment for Life…

Dear Reader,

Who said TV does not inspire.  Lately I been seeing this whimsical, for a lack of a better word, Pepsi Commercial,  The slogan is “Live for Now”.  Usually the moments in our lives are punctuated and are remembered more by the things that happen around us than for what actually happens.

I’m not a particularly huge fan of Nikki whatever her name is, in my opinion Michael and Britney have done worlds better.  However this repetitive question did get me thinking, about how would you answer it.  The question this time is “If I could have this moment for life?” Granted, is not quite a question but I drowned the rest of the lyrics, and asked my self what if.

If I could have any moment for life which would it be and why?  I have many wonderful memories in my life especially in the last seven years.

The more I thought about it I would have given anything to have, the bus rides to school with my best friend Martin.  Those are the moments I think back on these days.  He made me laugh cheered me up and taught me a thing or two about people. I would definitively have those moments for life.

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