Phisycally Fallen…

Dear Reader:

How many times in your life or in the past month even, have you fallen? I don’t mean emotionally, though I understand that tends to happen more often than not, especially given the current situation facing the planet. I mean, physically how many times have you fallen, how many times has your body hit the floor without your approval?

When we were children, if we fell, we cried for mommy or daddy or our own versions of them and they came running to our aid, that is, unless you were my mother. Don’t get me wrong, my mother is wonderful and as far as I’m concerned she pretty much hangs the moon. Though the way she dealt with my falling was telling me: “Oh you fell, come over here so I can pick you up.” I guess she just wanted to make sure I was really hurt and not throwing a tantrum. Don’t get me wrong, my mother’s heart probably broke, everytime I fell, but she never showed it so as to not add more to my small world.

The point is, as children we fall, and we get up, we skin our knees and we even compare scabs like badges of honor or toughness at times, I almost always won the latter comparison because I can’t feel my legs below my knees very well, so my injuries tended to be more severe and I “walked it off” for a lack of a better expression.

As teens it’s pretty much the same, except there are no more comparisons, more like, you fall, you dust it off, laugh it off and keep walking.

It is not until we are adults that we understand why medical professionals tend to take falls far more seriously than we do at the time. They always ask if anything was broken. They concern themselves with finding neurological, physical, or psychological reasons for it.

I’ve fallen ever since I could walk, sometimes it was worse than others, but I don’t think I’ve broken a bone yet. I will tell you this, now when I fall, I don’t immediately run to my mother for comfort, I actually sit there. It takes me a small lifetime to get off the floor and keep walking. Is it  because I’m old now? Perhaps, but I like to think it’s more because I have learned to accept when I need help, or when I need time. I have stopped making my adrenaline and need not to be ashamed  in public to take a front seat to my possible injury.

As children we don’t think of embarrassment, having epic falls made us heroes, as teens we have an image to protect that does not include our face splattered on the floor, as adults, we have been through the bad, the funny, the embarrassing and everything in between we are past wanting to make a good impression at least in that department. 

So if you are old, and you fall, and you are still hurting, don’t focus so much on age, focus on the fact that for the first time in your life you are acknowledging the pain, you are admitting you need a hand to hold or a comforting word, and you are allowing yourself time to heal. Yes, age does seem to show us we don’t heal as fast, but we certainly don’t hurt less. Our lives are just not as hectic and adrenaline rushed as before.

Falling is part of life both physically or emotionally, I wish I could tell you it’s not. As someone who has fallen in both senses of the words many times in my life and I will no doubt continue to do so as life goes forward, I can tell you this for sure. You won’t stay down forever. We find ways to rise, maybe not always in the ways we expected but we always do. 

So keep your head up and know there will always be a way to rise above your troubles and your falls. There will always be someone holding a hand out for you to hold, even if that someone is you, yes you, because there is no more powerful motivator the self-determination to keep going forward.

You Are Unique…

Dear Reader,

“A lot of times because you are so busy pleasing everyone, you lose the essence of whom you really are and there is nothing more lamentable.” – Bambamjck

What pleases the world? Depending on whom you want to please be it a social group or a person, or relative, the answer to this question can vary from group to group, person to person.

We all want different things in life, this is true and in the path to finding those things, we also want the approval of those around us. Sadly, for some approval does not come free. I speak not of a monetary price, but a much higher one. The price as the quote up top says, it’s us.

You know, before we are bambarded by ‘social media influercers’ telling us what we should consider cool, or ads in any way telling us where we lack, we wouldn’t know it. “Ignorance is Bliss” until by the grace of our parents, our friends or even ourselves we fall into the world wide web. Of course, I could have named a much more retro medium of my time. Like television, but this sort of issue is as old as advertising itself, which is much older than you think.

I’m not saying that you should walk around being an antisocial butterfly who goes against the social standards, or against family just for the sake of rebellion, what I’m saying is that in the process of finding your place in the great puzzle of life, remember to not lose yourself in the process.

We’ve already lamented the extinction of species throughout my lifetime and probably even yours. So please, stay you, stay unique. Stay wonderful, and don’t make anyone lament the loss of the beautiful essence that is you.

I know what I say is easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Change must and always will happen, but try to hold on to what makes you, for you are as unique as your fingerprints. Just remember that the parts of you, you must always try to preserve are the good ones. So go forth, make mistakes, learn from them and grow. Remember, it’s your life and no one can live it for you.

Stir Fry Tuna…

Dear Reader,

In case you opened this thinking, “Oh she is going to share a recipe!” I will save you the read, I won’t but if you stay you might laugh a bit.

Today as I attempted to make breakfast for me and my husband, I managed to melt a plastic container. Yes, I left it too close to the stove. Luckily, my husband saw it, and the worst was averted. On top of that I dropped a quesadilla on the floor. Laugh, I should have. Instead, I lost it. I screamed, an actual scream that lasted all of three seconds, because I’m always worried about the feelings of others upon actions such as that.

For all of five minutes, I fell. I didn’t believe in myself enough and basically I unraveled. Lucky, my husband was there to see me through the sad moment of messing up in the kitchen.

Once the storm passed, it got me thinking of my mother whom as me and my family as well as friends and neighbors know is a five-star chef. Yes, I know we all say that about our parents; but to me her cooking is otherworldly. Unequaled even by me.

So back on subject. I was thinking about my mother and how she does it. How does she cook such intricate dishes and not lose it? That ladies and gents is a skill I need to adquire.

It got me thinking to a childhood memory, sit back and travel back in time to the year 1990-1991.

My mother and my siblings, along with other kids were in some else’s house. Since it was lunchtime, my mother had a larger number of kids to feed lest we mutiny and driver her insane.

Mom put her brain to work and made all of us the most delicious stir-fry tuna I’ve had in my young life. We were all fed and happy. The tuna had stirfried tomatoes, onions, garlic, a bit of salt and other trimmings. Mom was always good with the details.

When the lady of the house came back, she asked if we had eaten, my mother replied, “Yeah, they ate and loved it!” We did.

About an hour later, the lady’s cat was trying to get her attention, because my mother apparently forgot to feed it. No biggie. The lady went to the cabinets to look for the cat food. She could not find a single can of it. She then asked my mother if she had placed it somewhere else. Of course, my mother hadn’t. So after a moment of reflection, the lady finally asked my mother what all the kids had for lunch. Mom replied “Stirfried Tuna”.

The look on that woman must have been priceless, when she replied, “We don’t have tuna, did you buy some by any chance?”

Mom then shows her the cans of tuna, she had used. The look on that woman’s face according to my mother was priceless. It went from horror, to worry to trying not to laugh her socks off.

My mother had indeed made the best stirfried tuna. No one told her, however, that it was ‘for cats, tuna’. Don’t blame her. Labels were not exactly at their best in the nineties.

While I sat and remembered, that at one point as a child I ate delicious cat tuna, I also reminded myself that even the best chefs mess up every now and then. Live and learn right.

Now if you ask yourself if I hate tuna all together. All the contrary, I love it! Just don’t blame me for double checking the label on the can.

So keep your head up and remember you can’t make scrambled eggs without breaking a few eggs in the process.

Phone Tag…

Dear Reader,

Have you had to “play phone tag”? For a lack of a better expression is what happens, when you call one place, they tell you to call another, then that place tells you to call yet another place.

That’s what’s going on this morning I’ve called two different places to land on a third just to deal with the fact that one of them is closed.

Don’t worry I will take a deep breath and smile once this is over. Until that happens, I can’t help thinking about a movie quote. One of Drew Berrymore’s movies, the title escapes me. “Something about having all these ways to communicate and yet they become the many ways you can be ingored.”

Don’t mind me, I don’t have an issue with being ignored, if it’s important enough I find a way to get my messages across.

Maybe I just haven’t slept well these past few days. Or maybe my brain is thinking too much. Or perhaps with all this tech, you’d figured as Apple once said, “There’s an app for that”, or “We have an app for that”, whatever the case may be.

Perhaps is the anti social part of me, but I’m not a fan of waiting on hold. So this “phone tag” of sorts will have to wait for another day, when my cup spilleth over with patience and sunshine filled rainbows, until then, here is wishing you an excellent weekend ahead.

P.S. In case you were wondering who was the subject of the “Phone Tag”, I’ve been playing phone tag, with a pharmacy, and healthcare providers and another pharmacy. Oh the fun! *sarcasm fully intended*

11 Years Ago…

Dear Reader,

I started writing today, eleven years ago. According to WordPress. Cool huh? Hope, I have not bored you to sleep. Then again, the way the world is underslept, that might not be such a bad idea.

I’m not entirely sure, where I will go this year, or what I will acomplish, but I hope to make it through the rain, and if not, at least, I hope to be dancing when it rains.

I decided not to complain about the big things or the little things, because I realize there is a difference between complaining and feeling bad about it and fixing what I can and letting go that which regardless of my efforts will still remain the same.

So raise a glass of orange juice, to letting go of the impossible, focusing on the possible and making the best with what is left. Life is not easy, that much is true, however, it is not impossible. If it is, then name me honorary member of the Imposibles crew.

Here is to hoping the next 11 years paint brighter and have more ups than downs. If the opposite happens, then I hope to see wonderful things between the blades of grass my figurative face might be splatted on. Remember to smile. It takes a lot less energy to do so.

A Tac…

Dear Reader,

How is your day? I genuinely want to know. Mine is not going well. It has not gone well for a while now.

Today, I stepped on a tac. I think it’s what those pointy things with a push head are called. Yup, I was not wearing shoes and cleaning as much as my lungs allowed which is not much these days. I know. Better days will come.

Anyway, I was cleaning, and suddenly, boom! I step on this tac, that was facing upward. Pointy end goes into my foot and I’m done for. I walk back and forth to the kitchen with this little monster stuck to my foot, it is not until I walk back to the kitchen and see the trail of blood and follow it to my foot that I realize what has happened.

How does one get stabbed by a Tac and keep walking you ask… Let me tell you. I don’t feel my feet the way you do. I feel bits here and there, not much. Needless to say I had to clean the blood off the floor and the one that gushed out of my foot when I removed that little demon.

I wish I could say, this is the worst that has happened to me today, but I’d be lying. Pretty much today is a bad day, I’m keep it together though, because, I can cry and I can ask for help, and that would be okay to do, but I know what I will hear at the other end. “You’re and adult, you handle it”. Wiser words were never spoken.

So yeah, today I wish I was still a kid living at home, where my only worry was getting my homework done. I know there is a fun part of being an adult like staying up at night. Ha… Give me back childhood. I’d gladly go to bed early.

Sometimes being an adult and having to deal with life is hard. I been struggling so bad the last few months it almost seems like I broke the universal mirror.

Don’t worry though, I am keeping it together. I’m learning my place in the artwork of life and I’m learning to accept the fact that the only thing I can change in this world is me. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, if not, is not like I’ll be surprised, but I will keep my head up, none the less.

The Universal Mirror…

Dear Reader,

Where have I been? I been out here looking for something positive. I been gone too long I know. Positivity is difficult to find.

When your life gets to the point of you not even asking the question “What else can go Wrong?” you know you have a huge poroblem.

The 7th circle of hell, I find myself in right now, well it’s kind of like that. I’m past the point of asking “What’s wrong with this picture?” I can see the picture clearly and it looks like something Piccasso, Dali, and Banksy mixed together.

So Much…

Dear Reader,

If you been with me long enough you know, I’m not exactly one to have exciting and just mind blowing events to speak about on a weekly or monthly basis. I have had some wonderful experiences through the years though and have had the honor of meeting amazing people I won’t soon forget. I been able to learn along side some very intelligent individuals and have gotten a lot out of it.

To some events in my life seem improbable, which I take as a compliment given that not much ever happens to me. My life has been a slew of learning experiences and defying the odds. I was born on a Tuesday in Spring, I was not suppose to make it to Friday, and yet here we are on a Sunday in autum 2021.

How I’m still here is still up for debate, depending on what you believe, you can call it a miracle, destiny, my stubborn will to live, ect. I don’t take my days for granted. It’s been an uphill battle to be where I am today health wise but it’s been worth every effort, and every stumble along the way. Yes, fighters fall sometimes too. It is not the fall the matters, is how well we rise after falling that counts. So don’t be afraid of falling, just remember to dust yourself off on the way back up.

I look forward to the next half of my life, it may or may not contain the improbable, the impossible, the out of this world, but it will be my road to walk, my path to decide, my adventure to have.

We all have a purpose, a reason to be. I may not be here to make the next great discovery or write the next hit movie, song, or book, but I am here to at least be part of the greater picture.

In closing I leave you the song that inspired the title of today’s letter. As always I wish you a wonderful day and a brighter tomorrow.

Responsibility…

Dear Reader,

Over the past two weeks, maybe more, I’ve been surrounded by one theme on all sides of my life. Responsibility.

Responsibility comes in all shapes and sizes, whether it be something small, like who left the toilet seat up? To as big as who is responsible for another’s actions?

As for who left the toilet seat up, it’s up for debate especially in big families.

However, while our actions are to a certain degree, a result of our environment, occurrences, and people in it, and the actions or decisions of these people, a very large part of it is our own doing.

It’s kind of like, when you stub your toe, sure at first you curse the object, then the universe because it hurts like hell, or so I’ve heard but then when all is set and done, hopefully you realize, you left that object that caused you to curse, with more conviction, than a bad result in a math test or a sporting event. 

Often, when we are faced with bad moments in life, we sling accusations at everyone and everything, when the dust settles we fail to see the part we played in those failures.

Failing is not such a bad thing if we learn from it and move on. Yes, we often learn from our mistakes, but often if those mistakes involve someone else what are we to do? Sometimes depending on the person we move on, but when it’s someone we held in high esteem then what? Should frustration follow us around if they remain affected? Or shall we understand, that sometimes they are the ones that suffered more?

Depending on whom we are, though our lives are our own, we should sometimes if not often consider that our decisions, actions or lack thereof affect those around us perhaps more than we know. So treat others well, but don’t forget to treat yourself good too.

Stay safe.

Broken…

Dear Reader,

When I was about six or maybe even seven, okay, I definitively know it was before I turned eight. So anyway around that age, I remember a morning that felt like spring. I had nothing whatsoever to do, then my Great Aunt, she came to me and gave me a bag maybe two of broken figurines and something that looked like Elmer’s glue. Then she said, “glue these back together, you broke them”.

So maybe my child brain had a momentary blank in my memory bank for I could not remember breaking them. However, now, as an adult given my history, who am I kidding, I probably did. Over the years I’ve broken many things and have the scars to prove it in some cases, but I won’t get into that now.

I was reminded of this memory today because well, I single handedly broke three things in my house in less than 48 hours. All glass. For those you wondering I’m okay, this time no injuries happened, except maybe to my dog’s ears who heard me throw a very loud F-bomb. Before you get offended, I don’t normally swear, but there are times it’s warranted. And today was one of those times. After that I realized that nothing could change the result of what had happened so I simply took a deep breath and carried on.

Okay, so I know what you are thinking, ‘I’m the picture of relative calm,’ trust me I’m not. I have my moments when I lose it too. However, as the Serenity Prayer says, “Change the things you can, and learn to let go of those you can’t”. Something like that more or less. At those moments, I realized I cannot un-break glass, all I could do is laugh or cry then clean it up. So I chose to laugh.

As for my Great Aunt’s figurines I cannot say with certainty how long it took me but I did eventually put them back together. She of course, proudly displayed them on a mantel of sorts. Lesson learned back then (I was a kid, I had fun) and that’s probably where my love for puzzles began. Now as an adult, I can tell you the lesson learned: While you can’t ever un-break glass, sometimes a little glue and a lot of imagination, can help you put the pieces back together. The end result might not be perfect but in it’s own way it’s beautiful, in it’s own way it’s art that tells a story.

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